Hey! I'm down another 4.2 pounds, for a grand total of 38.4! That's really close to 40, and I honestly couldn't care less that I didn't hit 40, it just feels so darned good.
My friend (another WW loser...he's lost 85 and counting) asked me this morning if I thought it was hard. Honestly, it's not. It's not exactly a snap. I still have cravings and moments of weakness. But compared to anything else I've ever done to lose weight, this is by far not only the easiest but the most successful weight loss program I've ever tried.
This morning I pulled out a pair of jeans I bought maybe 2 years ago. They're adorable, and they were very, very expensive (for jeans, IMHO). I ordered them online from Nordstroms, and they were quite extravagant. But I really wanted them and I was going to NYC so I figured I'd splurge. They didn't fit so I put them in a drawer. I don't have a problem returning stuff, so that's not why I kept them. I guess I just always thought that I would fit in them some day. They weren't THAT small.
I wear jeans to work a lot, and I was looking at what I had this morning, and everything fits me funny because of the weight I've lost. They're not quite too big, but they surely don't fit me right. So I thought, what the heck, lets drag out my cute fashion pants with the rhinestones (yup...they've got bling) and try them on. I held them up and said, out loud, "Well, this isn't going to work." But I pulled them on nonetheless. I thought they'd get tight around my calves. Nope. Just kept going. Then I figured they'd stop at my butt. Nope. Kept going. All the way up to my waist. Then I tried the zipper. I didn't have to lay down, or take a breath in, or yank really hard and worry about splitting the zipper. Nope, they just zipped up and I was on my way. I felt like a new woman!!!!
Now, let me get this out of the way, because when you're super big like me, well, the road is long. But honestly, I think I can do it now. I told myself this morning, "To reach my goal, I need to do this 5 more times." So, I've been in the program 3 months (almost to the day) and have lost 38.4 pounds. I just need to lose that amount maybe 4 or 5 more times. Considering how great this first 3 months has been, I can't help but be hopeful for my future success.
Blogging about it helps tremendously. And I just love sharing with you all. So, let me thank a few people.
First, I thank Alabaster mom, for giving me that first swift kick in the rear when I emailed her and told her that I was thinking about not going to that first meeting. She's my inspiration. A lifetime WW member who proves that it can work. Way to go woman! Thank you to, to Sassy Sadie's mom, for her kind words, inspiration, positive vibes, and laughs. Thanks to my pal Green Bay Vegan, who's been such a dear, so supportive (and who always makes me laugh), who herself is making a major change for the better by quitting smoking. She's got that demon off her back and nothing can stop her now! And thank you to Mary, my faithful blog reader, for her words of inspiration, constant support, and all around goodness. You're one of the nicest folks I know!!!
Heck, you're all great!
And a special shout out to my homies from one of the WW loser boards. Don't know if anyone from there has followed the link, but if you're here and reading...THANK YOU! Reading your stories, triumphs, struggles, all of it, helps me realize that I'm not alone, and that it CAN be done!
OK, I think that might be enough elation for now. I'm surprised I'm so jazzed, I didn't go to bed until after 1:00. I staffed an interesting event for the adoption center, ended up having some coffee, and then was given a caffeine shot, which I thought was just caffeine but ended up having alcohol (LOTS of it), so I was a bit wound. I should be tired today, but I think my recent successes are energizing me!
But, I need to get more work done, so I'll sign off here. More soon!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Memorial Day, etc.
Hey Amigos,
I had a free moment here and figured I'd blog and say hola to you all. I'm doing alright, I suppose. I've been absolutely swamped at work, it's just madness. Because of a favor to someone in my department, I am overbooked with student hours, and it's a daily, hourly, sometimes minutely battle to keep them occupied. They're great kids and I'm very grateful for the help, but I do not get one minute's peace for 7.5 hours. I have been able to eat my lunches, check emails (mostly), etc., but that's about it. So I have about 30 minutes here.
My weigh in is tonight. No idea if I've lost or not. Isn't that weird? You'd think I could tell, but I just can't. Same as last week. According to my points tracker I did OK with my points. My eating wasn't spectacular. I still have some bad habits, such as eating late in the evening, not eating as much during the day, that sort of thing. And I can't seem to resist the WW ice cream novelties, which are quite expensive. I think I have been honest in recording my points. So here's to hoping there's a downward move on the old scale tonight.
Memorial Day was fun. My family went out to visit my dad's grave, put in new flowers, tidied up. He was cremated, so it's a smallish plot. He has a new neighbor. You start to wonder about the people that you see. There's a small grave marker not far from him, it's not stone or anything, but possibly some sort of wood. It was for a little boy who died at age 9 in 2001. I wonder about him. And my sister found a marker that listed a mother, father and daughter. The father and daughter died the same day, in 1967. She was 11 or so, he was 40 something. The mother is still alive. What happened? Were they in an accident? Or something more sinister? Or did they both get sick? I guess I'll probably never know. You can almost map the flu epidemic in some of the older areas. And there's a woman's grave near my father's, whose family so obviously misses her dearly. Always new, fresh flowers. Sometimes they leave a couple pieces of maple candy there for her.
My friend Sharon's husband is buried in the same cemetery, and very near where my dad is, so I always visit him too. They got married maybe 10 years ago, in October. She got pregnant almost immediately. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor around Thanksgiving, and was dead by May. She had her baby in July. It just breaks my heart to think about it. And I never met him. She and I fell out of touch, and I contacted her when I'd heard that her father died. He's there too, so I always go visit him.
I don't find cemeteries to be depressing or gloomy or anything. Actually, this particular cemetery is huge, and beautifully landscaped. Quiet. My dad's site is very near a little fountain, and there's a huge pond nearby too. And the whole place is very, very old. So, anyway, I'm glad I did that.
We had a cookout at my brother's and that was a blast too. My nephew and I had a great time. We played Trouble. I won. I almost didn't...I was going to let him have it. But he told me he'd be OK if I won, so I figured, what the heck.
OK, back to the salt mines here. More soon, and I'll report on my weigh in later.
I had a free moment here and figured I'd blog and say hola to you all. I'm doing alright, I suppose. I've been absolutely swamped at work, it's just madness. Because of a favor to someone in my department, I am overbooked with student hours, and it's a daily, hourly, sometimes minutely battle to keep them occupied. They're great kids and I'm very grateful for the help, but I do not get one minute's peace for 7.5 hours. I have been able to eat my lunches, check emails (mostly), etc., but that's about it. So I have about 30 minutes here.
My weigh in is tonight. No idea if I've lost or not. Isn't that weird? You'd think I could tell, but I just can't. Same as last week. According to my points tracker I did OK with my points. My eating wasn't spectacular. I still have some bad habits, such as eating late in the evening, not eating as much during the day, that sort of thing. And I can't seem to resist the WW ice cream novelties, which are quite expensive. I think I have been honest in recording my points. So here's to hoping there's a downward move on the old scale tonight.
Memorial Day was fun. My family went out to visit my dad's grave, put in new flowers, tidied up. He was cremated, so it's a smallish plot. He has a new neighbor. You start to wonder about the people that you see. There's a small grave marker not far from him, it's not stone or anything, but possibly some sort of wood. It was for a little boy who died at age 9 in 2001. I wonder about him. And my sister found a marker that listed a mother, father and daughter. The father and daughter died the same day, in 1967. She was 11 or so, he was 40 something. The mother is still alive. What happened? Were they in an accident? Or something more sinister? Or did they both get sick? I guess I'll probably never know. You can almost map the flu epidemic in some of the older areas. And there's a woman's grave near my father's, whose family so obviously misses her dearly. Always new, fresh flowers. Sometimes they leave a couple pieces of maple candy there for her.
My friend Sharon's husband is buried in the same cemetery, and very near where my dad is, so I always visit him too. They got married maybe 10 years ago, in October. She got pregnant almost immediately. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor around Thanksgiving, and was dead by May. She had her baby in July. It just breaks my heart to think about it. And I never met him. She and I fell out of touch, and I contacted her when I'd heard that her father died. He's there too, so I always go visit him.
I don't find cemeteries to be depressing or gloomy or anything. Actually, this particular cemetery is huge, and beautifully landscaped. Quiet. My dad's site is very near a little fountain, and there's a huge pond nearby too. And the whole place is very, very old. So, anyway, I'm glad I did that.
We had a cookout at my brother's and that was a blast too. My nephew and I had a great time. We played Trouble. I won. I almost didn't...I was going to let him have it. But he told me he'd be OK if I won, so I figured, what the heck.
OK, back to the salt mines here. More soon, and I'll report on my weigh in later.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...
Yeah, the title of this post is hackneyed and such, but you have to admit Bowie's pretty great. I don't particularly care for that song, but his oeuvre (how's that for a 50 cent word) as a whole is incredible. I have seen him twice in concert and he's quite a showman.
So I have noticed some changes since I've started weight watchers, and most of them are pretty cool.
I find I'm sleeping better. My knee feels almost normal (that's due to the surgery, but I think having less weight on it makes a big difference). I pull my pants up a lot. I have more energy. I'm volunteering more. My skin looks great (if I do say so myself). Some of my shirts aren't as tight as they used to be. I'm definitely not ready for a new wardrobe yet, but it's kind of nice to dream about it. My bras aren't fitting much differently, which is unusual because normally when I lose weight my boobs shrink first (stupid poetic justice), but the girls seem to be holding steady.
I've been getting a lot of support from the weight watchers message board that I read regularly. I don't post a whole lot, but on there are people who have had tremendous success and I read their stories and it inspires me. Virtually everyone on there has a blog, and they're always about peoples' weight loss journeys, so when I think that it's never going to happen for me, I pop in there for some inspiration. It really works!
A friend from work went to Ireland, he was gone about 2 weeks, and came by to see me today. First words out of his mouth were "You're losing weight, kid." :) That felt so good. Then another friend I work with came over to chat (it's a regular Friday thing, he comes by in the morning to find out how I did at my weigh in), and he said "I'm so proud of you" and I have to tell you, that feels incredible. The support that I've been getting from my friends (that means you Alabaster Mom, and Sassy Sadie's mom!), coworkers (who are also friends) and meeting mates has just been so instrumental to my success. I never knew it would make that much of a difference but it really truly does. And the little awards I've been getting from WW have been awesome too. I have them all on my car's keychain, and I always jingle them a few times to remind myself of how far I've come.
You may notice I didn't mention family support much. My family is supportive but then again they're not. I haven't told my mother I joined WW for example. Praise I receive from my mother tends to be counterproductive. She's not saying anything different than what my friends say, at least at first. But it's all rife with subcontext. Here's a direct quote from an email she sent me after I had dinner with her a few weeks ago:
"You looked so nice Sunday. Makes a difference when you comb your hair. Looks like you shed some weight too."
I did indeed copy and paste that verbatim from her email. So, do you agree that's a bit fucked up, pardon my French? See, I'm 42 years old. But I still get comments from my mother about combing my hair. OK, not to digress, but I don't comb my hair. If my hair is dry I CAN'T comb my hair. It's just too curly. And even saying I shed some weight is heavy with meaning for me. My biggest thing is that my mother usually will say something like "You've lost weight, that's great. Now keep it up!" And that just has the whole "Keep it up because where you're at right now is not good enough, and you've failed so many times I must tell you that you need to continue."
Please don't think I'm being harsh on my mom, I beg you. I'm a good daughter. I really am. But the woman knows my buttons and never fails to push them. She just looks for stuff to get on me about. I remember once as a kid her yelling at me when we were at dinner "Stop eating with your left hand!" (She's all about etiquette and was referring to right handed people switching the fork to their right hand after cutting something). Thing is, I'm left handed. So there I was, minding my own business, and eating the way I always did, but somehow there was something wrong she had to point out. And it wasn't even wrong!
My mother is also the queen of revisionist history. I had several diaries over the years. I was a pretty crappy diary keeper, but there was one that was actually really clever, it was a 'summer' diary and it was very sort of interactive, with stickers and activities and stuff. It was fun. I was probably 10 when she gave me that. It was the summer of 76, actually, so I was 10 going on 11. It was a perfect pre-teen gift. So at one point I made a comment in my diary about my parents fighting. Well, a few days later my mother comes out with my summer diary and tells me that I shouldn't be writing stuff like that in my diary. Then she made me go inside and change it.
No, I'm not joking. She made me erase what I had written (it was in pencil, I remember that vividly) and write in something she approved.
Being on the young side I did what she said. I wasn't happy about it, and I knew it sort of defeated the purpose of having a diary, but I changed it.
As the years went on I came to realize that if I had a diary my mother always found it and read it. I remember her making comments to me about things that I had never mentioned to her. Then, when I was in high school I came home from class and she confronted me about drinking. Not long before I had written about a friend of mine who'd smuggled some whiskey to a football game. I hadn't gotten drunk or anything, but we all tried it. So, I went to where I had my diary hidden (not very well, obviously), went straight back to my mother and tore it to pieces.
She had absolutely no problem going through my stuff, and then telling me about it.
My brothers and my sister and I often comment to each other that we just don't know how we made it out. I do love my mother, y'all, I do. But I could write a book, I honestly could. I've actually had friends tell me that their parents pale in comparison to my mom. And it's not like I'm stacking the deck against her!!! I simply relay facts, but I tell you, those facts are EFFED UP, my amigos.
But, I don't want to use my blog to dis my mom. That's just not fair. And besides, that's what my therapist is for. But I did just want you to know why I don't talk much about my family and my weight loss. They're just not quite as helpful as they seem to think they are!!! Bless their hearts.
OK, enough of that. This weekend is going to be interesting. It's a 3 day weekend, and as far as WW goes, weekends are always more challenging than weekdays. So I want you to pull together for me amigos, and send some positive loser vibes in my direction, because I'm actually going to be WITH my family this weekend. It could get UGLY!
So I have noticed some changes since I've started weight watchers, and most of them are pretty cool.
I find I'm sleeping better. My knee feels almost normal (that's due to the surgery, but I think having less weight on it makes a big difference). I pull my pants up a lot. I have more energy. I'm volunteering more. My skin looks great (if I do say so myself). Some of my shirts aren't as tight as they used to be. I'm definitely not ready for a new wardrobe yet, but it's kind of nice to dream about it. My bras aren't fitting much differently, which is unusual because normally when I lose weight my boobs shrink first (stupid poetic justice), but the girls seem to be holding steady.
I've been getting a lot of support from the weight watchers message board that I read regularly. I don't post a whole lot, but on there are people who have had tremendous success and I read their stories and it inspires me. Virtually everyone on there has a blog, and they're always about peoples' weight loss journeys, so when I think that it's never going to happen for me, I pop in there for some inspiration. It really works!
A friend from work went to Ireland, he was gone about 2 weeks, and came by to see me today. First words out of his mouth were "You're losing weight, kid." :) That felt so good. Then another friend I work with came over to chat (it's a regular Friday thing, he comes by in the morning to find out how I did at my weigh in), and he said "I'm so proud of you" and I have to tell you, that feels incredible. The support that I've been getting from my friends (that means you Alabaster Mom, and Sassy Sadie's mom!), coworkers (who are also friends) and meeting mates has just been so instrumental to my success. I never knew it would make that much of a difference but it really truly does. And the little awards I've been getting from WW have been awesome too. I have them all on my car's keychain, and I always jingle them a few times to remind myself of how far I've come.
You may notice I didn't mention family support much. My family is supportive but then again they're not. I haven't told my mother I joined WW for example. Praise I receive from my mother tends to be counterproductive. She's not saying anything different than what my friends say, at least at first. But it's all rife with subcontext. Here's a direct quote from an email she sent me after I had dinner with her a few weeks ago:
"You looked so nice Sunday. Makes a difference when you comb your hair. Looks like you shed some weight too."
I did indeed copy and paste that verbatim from her email. So, do you agree that's a bit fucked up, pardon my French? See, I'm 42 years old. But I still get comments from my mother about combing my hair. OK, not to digress, but I don't comb my hair. If my hair is dry I CAN'T comb my hair. It's just too curly. And even saying I shed some weight is heavy with meaning for me. My biggest thing is that my mother usually will say something like "You've lost weight, that's great. Now keep it up!" And that just has the whole "Keep it up because where you're at right now is not good enough, and you've failed so many times I must tell you that you need to continue."
Please don't think I'm being harsh on my mom, I beg you. I'm a good daughter. I really am. But the woman knows my buttons and never fails to push them. She just looks for stuff to get on me about. I remember once as a kid her yelling at me when we were at dinner "Stop eating with your left hand!" (She's all about etiquette and was referring to right handed people switching the fork to their right hand after cutting something). Thing is, I'm left handed. So there I was, minding my own business, and eating the way I always did, but somehow there was something wrong she had to point out. And it wasn't even wrong!
My mother is also the queen of revisionist history. I had several diaries over the years. I was a pretty crappy diary keeper, but there was one that was actually really clever, it was a 'summer' diary and it was very sort of interactive, with stickers and activities and stuff. It was fun. I was probably 10 when she gave me that. It was the summer of 76, actually, so I was 10 going on 11. It was a perfect pre-teen gift. So at one point I made a comment in my diary about my parents fighting. Well, a few days later my mother comes out with my summer diary and tells me that I shouldn't be writing stuff like that in my diary. Then she made me go inside and change it.
No, I'm not joking. She made me erase what I had written (it was in pencil, I remember that vividly) and write in something she approved.
Being on the young side I did what she said. I wasn't happy about it, and I knew it sort of defeated the purpose of having a diary, but I changed it.
As the years went on I came to realize that if I had a diary my mother always found it and read it. I remember her making comments to me about things that I had never mentioned to her. Then, when I was in high school I came home from class and she confronted me about drinking. Not long before I had written about a friend of mine who'd smuggled some whiskey to a football game. I hadn't gotten drunk or anything, but we all tried it. So, I went to where I had my diary hidden (not very well, obviously), went straight back to my mother and tore it to pieces.
She had absolutely no problem going through my stuff, and then telling me about it.
My brothers and my sister and I often comment to each other that we just don't know how we made it out. I do love my mother, y'all, I do. But I could write a book, I honestly could. I've actually had friends tell me that their parents pale in comparison to my mom. And it's not like I'm stacking the deck against her!!! I simply relay facts, but I tell you, those facts are EFFED UP, my amigos.
But, I don't want to use my blog to dis my mom. That's just not fair. And besides, that's what my therapist is for. But I did just want you to know why I don't talk much about my family and my weight loss. They're just not quite as helpful as they seem to think they are!!! Bless their hearts.
OK, enough of that. This weekend is going to be interesting. It's a 3 day weekend, and as far as WW goes, weekends are always more challenging than weekdays. So I want you to pull together for me amigos, and send some positive loser vibes in my direction, because I'm actually going to be WITH my family this weekend. It could get UGLY!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Update
Hey Amigos,
I just read over my last post and there's all kinds of typos and stuff, but I'm going to leave it. Too lazy to edit at this point, but I do apologize for the sloppy work!
Just wanted to let you know I'm down a total of 34.2. Not my biggest loss this week, but I'm so happy the scale is moving downward that I just don't care. I don't care how long this takes me. I'm feeling alright!
And the loud broads were not there so we had a very nice meeting. So glad I went!
That's it for now!
I just read over my last post and there's all kinds of typos and stuff, but I'm going to leave it. Too lazy to edit at this point, but I do apologize for the sloppy work!
Just wanted to let you know I'm down a total of 34.2. Not my biggest loss this week, but I'm so happy the scale is moving downward that I just don't care. I don't care how long this takes me. I'm feeling alright!
And the loud broads were not there so we had a very nice meeting. So glad I went!
That's it for now!
It's only Thursday?
Hey Amigos,
Sorry I've been silent. This week at work has been absolutely brutal. No down time whatsoever, until right this minute, and it's pretty tenuous at that.
I've been in one of those weird twilight zones where you think it's the next day. It will take a lot to convince me that tomorrow is Friday.
I've had a pretty good week. I did OK on Weight Watchers, I had a couple bad days and the rest were good days. And when I say bad days I don't mean I went completely off the program. I mostly mean I ate more than I should have. But all the food is stuff that I have and should be eating, I'm just eating too darned much of it. So, no Krispy Kreme runs, no Culver's drive through, no deli foods, no Sentry cut-out cookies, no bakery of any kind, no big greasy pizza. I'd say that's good considering my history.
I have guilt about it but not as much as if I'd eaten at Kopp's or something. I'm pretty sure you can't walk into a Kopp's without putting on 5 pounds.
I'm learning to cope with it all. Tonight's weigh in and I'm having some jitters.
See, the first month or two, I was essentially guaranteed I was going to lose weight because my eating habits beforehand were so poor. But now I'm sort of in the loop (2 months and 3 weeks of being in the program) and my bod's not freaking out the way it did in the beginning and is getting the hang of it, and I just know this fat's going to start hanging on for dear life.
So I'm a little jittery, but looking forward to the meeting. I'm not looking forward to the broads who blather through the whole thing so I'm hoping they won't be there (that tends to be there m.o.: a couple weeks present, a couple weeks absent).
Let's see, what else. Well, I'm definitely feeling this economic crunch, amigos. Thankfully my commute to work is just over 2 miles each way, so I'm not burning up too much gas to get here. But jeez, stuff is expensive. And I keep looking at what I'm spending my money on, and I there just isn't that much that I can cut. Part of that is that I'm spoiled, admittedly, but other things, well, I have to pay to be in Weight Watchers, you know? It's working, so it's important. And I want to keep going to the gym. I know that I'd live if I stopped getting cable, but...but...I just don't think I'm ready to pull the plug yet. I know it can be done, I've done it. I've only had cable for about 2 years now. Sometimes I think I should discontinue my land line, but I'm so unreliable with a cell phone that it's probably a bad idea.
I stopped spending money on clothes months ago. The last thing I bought were a couple shirts before my trip to NYC in January. I no longer spend a lot on food, I don't go out to eat much.
If only the dogs and cats would chip in. Even their food is getting expensive, and it was pretty expensive to begin with!!! So, I'll continue to figure out my budget and all that.
I'm really excited about a 3 day weekend. I haven't take a day off in forever either, so this will be a good thing. Of course, my eating is always better during the week, so this extra day on the weekend may cause me a little trouble. But, I shall try my best.
I'll report with the weigh in results soon.
Sorry I've been silent. This week at work has been absolutely brutal. No down time whatsoever, until right this minute, and it's pretty tenuous at that.
I've been in one of those weird twilight zones where you think it's the next day. It will take a lot to convince me that tomorrow is Friday.
I've had a pretty good week. I did OK on Weight Watchers, I had a couple bad days and the rest were good days. And when I say bad days I don't mean I went completely off the program. I mostly mean I ate more than I should have. But all the food is stuff that I have and should be eating, I'm just eating too darned much of it. So, no Krispy Kreme runs, no Culver's drive through, no deli foods, no Sentry cut-out cookies, no bakery of any kind, no big greasy pizza. I'd say that's good considering my history.
I have guilt about it but not as much as if I'd eaten at Kopp's or something. I'm pretty sure you can't walk into a Kopp's without putting on 5 pounds.
I'm learning to cope with it all. Tonight's weigh in and I'm having some jitters.
See, the first month or two, I was essentially guaranteed I was going to lose weight because my eating habits beforehand were so poor. But now I'm sort of in the loop (2 months and 3 weeks of being in the program) and my bod's not freaking out the way it did in the beginning and is getting the hang of it, and I just know this fat's going to start hanging on for dear life.
So I'm a little jittery, but looking forward to the meeting. I'm not looking forward to the broads who blather through the whole thing so I'm hoping they won't be there (that tends to be there m.o.: a couple weeks present, a couple weeks absent).
Let's see, what else. Well, I'm definitely feeling this economic crunch, amigos. Thankfully my commute to work is just over 2 miles each way, so I'm not burning up too much gas to get here. But jeez, stuff is expensive. And I keep looking at what I'm spending my money on, and I there just isn't that much that I can cut. Part of that is that I'm spoiled, admittedly, but other things, well, I have to pay to be in Weight Watchers, you know? It's working, so it's important. And I want to keep going to the gym. I know that I'd live if I stopped getting cable, but...but...I just don't think I'm ready to pull the plug yet. I know it can be done, I've done it. I've only had cable for about 2 years now. Sometimes I think I should discontinue my land line, but I'm so unreliable with a cell phone that it's probably a bad idea.
I stopped spending money on clothes months ago. The last thing I bought were a couple shirts before my trip to NYC in January. I no longer spend a lot on food, I don't go out to eat much.
If only the dogs and cats would chip in. Even their food is getting expensive, and it was pretty expensive to begin with!!! So, I'll continue to figure out my budget and all that.
I'm really excited about a 3 day weekend. I haven't take a day off in forever either, so this will be a good thing. Of course, my eating is always better during the week, so this extra day on the weekend may cause me a little trouble. But, I shall try my best.
I'll report with the weigh in results soon.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Just Call Me Slim...
Well Amigos, I did it! I broke 30! I am officially down 33 lbs! Honestly, I'm just thrilled. I knew I must have lost this week because my pants were falling off. Of course that makes me shudder to think what I must have looked in them a couple months ago, but I won't dwell on the past.
I got a round of applause and an award at my meeting yesterday. It was a good meeting, except for these obnoxious women who come to this meeting who do not SHUT UP the entire time, talk over the leader, talk amongst themselves. If they wanted to do that, why don't they just stay the hell home? I don't think they're bad women, just really loud and obnoxious, and they make no qualms about talking over people while they're sharing. That's just not right. It's hard enough to come to a meeting for some folks (myself included) and then they try and open up but get drowned out by these harpies who go on and on about their family and how run down they are and all that, as if they have it worse than the rest of us. Come ON.
I don't know what my parents did raising me, but I could never ever do that. I was taught to listen, be respectful, sympathize with others. I guess in the end I was taught that, basically, it's not about me. Sure, some stuff is about me, but I was always reminded that I'm sharing the world with others who deserve to be treated with respect.
The meeting had almost started when these broads came in. I had almost hoped that we might have a nice, quiet meeting, but alas, it was not meant to be. It's bad enough that I'm actually considering coming to the meeting directly prior to this one, just to avoid them. And I don't want to do that because I like many of the folks who come to this one.
Enough belly aching, I had a loss and it's great. And don't feel bad if you see me and don't notice. I mean, 33 lbs on someone like me doesn't make as huge a difference as it does on someone who has less to lose. Of course, on the flip side, it's probably just as difficult to lose 33 pounds no matter who you are.
To be truthful, and I almost hate saying this at the risk of jinxing myself, it hasn't really been all that bad. I've made a lot of changes, to be sure, but none of them was so horrible. I've developed coping mechanisms. Maybe the hardest thing is getting up and moving, and I need to work on that. I think in the end the thing that will make or break me is my exercise. I've read that in many different studies, that exercise is a vital part of the equation. So, I really need to work on that. I wouldn't necessarily say I've got the eating thing all figured out. I still have some habits that I need to get rid of. But I can honestly say that I haven't had a binge since the girl scout cookie incident, and that was about 3 months ago.
I also don't miss some of my triggers. Donuts, deli foods, ice cream, drive thru.
For the first time in a long, long, long time, I feel positive. I feel like this can happen. I feel like I can do it. The main thing, the most important thing, probably even above and beyond the exercise, is to attend the meetings. I think if I don't attend the meetings I'll lose focus, and if I lose focus I'll stray from the program, and if I stray from the program I'll slip slowly into my old habits. I know the pattern, it's happened before. I just can't let that happen amigos.
Something that's been instrumental too is the Weight Watchers message boards. I've gained so much inspiration there. I'm much more of a lurker than a participant, though I do participate from time to time. Probably the thing I like the most, though, is seeing how well people have done. And many of these folks started out much heavier than I. And there they are, out there working it just like the rest of us.
I watched a program last night, it was a show with that Dr. Oz from You The Owner's Manual, that kind of thing. Of course I have that book and You On a Diet. I think you can conclude how well THAT one worked. It was called Defeating Obesity. I didn't learn much, and I'm not 100% sure I'd even say that Dr. Oz succeeded in getting these people to do their thing. He never mentioned group support, and I'm beginning to think that that is key to a person's success.
One of the people on there had gastric bypass surgery. Her starting weight was less than what I weigh now. I realize that I could be considered gastric bypass material, amigos, and that scares the crap out of me. But I could never, ever do it. I know what they do to you in there, and I just can't bear the thought. I can't imagine the damage it can do. I know it's right for some people, so they should do it, and bless their hearts and I wish them luck on their journey. But I couldn't do that to my body. And the thought that you're circumventing the process of digestion, that there's a risk of death that is not insignificant, that you have to take supplements because your body isn't absorbing the nutrients it needs...there's just so much about it that is not natural. I was born with this body. I am responsible for it, I'm responsible for how heavy I've gotten. It's not my body's fault, it's me. Why punish my poor stomach? I don't need that, I need to get a handle on what and how much I eat. And I am, thank God.
So, I have to remember these keys to my success.
1. Move
2. Go to my meetings
3. Never give up
:)
I got a round of applause and an award at my meeting yesterday. It was a good meeting, except for these obnoxious women who come to this meeting who do not SHUT UP the entire time, talk over the leader, talk amongst themselves. If they wanted to do that, why don't they just stay the hell home? I don't think they're bad women, just really loud and obnoxious, and they make no qualms about talking over people while they're sharing. That's just not right. It's hard enough to come to a meeting for some folks (myself included) and then they try and open up but get drowned out by these harpies who go on and on about their family and how run down they are and all that, as if they have it worse than the rest of us. Come ON.
I don't know what my parents did raising me, but I could never ever do that. I was taught to listen, be respectful, sympathize with others. I guess in the end I was taught that, basically, it's not about me. Sure, some stuff is about me, but I was always reminded that I'm sharing the world with others who deserve to be treated with respect.
The meeting had almost started when these broads came in. I had almost hoped that we might have a nice, quiet meeting, but alas, it was not meant to be. It's bad enough that I'm actually considering coming to the meeting directly prior to this one, just to avoid them. And I don't want to do that because I like many of the folks who come to this one.
Enough belly aching, I had a loss and it's great. And don't feel bad if you see me and don't notice. I mean, 33 lbs on someone like me doesn't make as huge a difference as it does on someone who has less to lose. Of course, on the flip side, it's probably just as difficult to lose 33 pounds no matter who you are.
To be truthful, and I almost hate saying this at the risk of jinxing myself, it hasn't really been all that bad. I've made a lot of changes, to be sure, but none of them was so horrible. I've developed coping mechanisms. Maybe the hardest thing is getting up and moving, and I need to work on that. I think in the end the thing that will make or break me is my exercise. I've read that in many different studies, that exercise is a vital part of the equation. So, I really need to work on that. I wouldn't necessarily say I've got the eating thing all figured out. I still have some habits that I need to get rid of. But I can honestly say that I haven't had a binge since the girl scout cookie incident, and that was about 3 months ago.
I also don't miss some of my triggers. Donuts, deli foods, ice cream, drive thru.
For the first time in a long, long, long time, I feel positive. I feel like this can happen. I feel like I can do it. The main thing, the most important thing, probably even above and beyond the exercise, is to attend the meetings. I think if I don't attend the meetings I'll lose focus, and if I lose focus I'll stray from the program, and if I stray from the program I'll slip slowly into my old habits. I know the pattern, it's happened before. I just can't let that happen amigos.
Something that's been instrumental too is the Weight Watchers message boards. I've gained so much inspiration there. I'm much more of a lurker than a participant, though I do participate from time to time. Probably the thing I like the most, though, is seeing how well people have done. And many of these folks started out much heavier than I. And there they are, out there working it just like the rest of us.
I watched a program last night, it was a show with that Dr. Oz from You The Owner's Manual, that kind of thing. Of course I have that book and You On a Diet. I think you can conclude how well THAT one worked. It was called Defeating Obesity. I didn't learn much, and I'm not 100% sure I'd even say that Dr. Oz succeeded in getting these people to do their thing. He never mentioned group support, and I'm beginning to think that that is key to a person's success.
One of the people on there had gastric bypass surgery. Her starting weight was less than what I weigh now. I realize that I could be considered gastric bypass material, amigos, and that scares the crap out of me. But I could never, ever do it. I know what they do to you in there, and I just can't bear the thought. I can't imagine the damage it can do. I know it's right for some people, so they should do it, and bless their hearts and I wish them luck on their journey. But I couldn't do that to my body. And the thought that you're circumventing the process of digestion, that there's a risk of death that is not insignificant, that you have to take supplements because your body isn't absorbing the nutrients it needs...there's just so much about it that is not natural. I was born with this body. I am responsible for it, I'm responsible for how heavy I've gotten. It's not my body's fault, it's me. Why punish my poor stomach? I don't need that, I need to get a handle on what and how much I eat. And I am, thank God.
So, I have to remember these keys to my success.
1. Move
2. Go to my meetings
3. Never give up
:)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I have to get this out!
Hola Amigos,
I've been busting my tail at work today and am taking a quick break to eat and blog.
I've actually been a bit stressed lately. Work hasn't been doing it, I like my job. It's more personal stuff. I won't go into detail, but someone whom I deal with in one of my outside of work obligations (and there are several) has been bugging me to no end. Actually, quite a few people have been bugging me to no end. Life was so much easier when I kept to myself. But as I widen my base of acquaintances, I keep running in to people that I'd never actually be friends with, yet I have to spend time with them, and they don't like me. I don't like when people don't like me.
In case anyone from GABR is reading this, you are not among the people that I'm talking about! That's as much info as I'll give.
Anyway, I'm always friendly with everyone, and things seemed to have been going along just fine. The problem is that for some people, my work habits don't quite mesh with theirs, and it bothers them. And not only does it bother them, they have no trouble saying it, but not to me in person. What they do is, send emails to that effect, and then copy other people whom they seem to think need to know. So I'm blindsided and end up having to defend myself to this person and whatever other individuals they've chosen to include. And when I do take issue with it, I'm told that I've misunderstood them, or that they were just 'checking' or some such thing. It's typical passive aggressive bullshit and something I've worked very hard to rid myself of. Alas it seems to find me no matter what. There is so much criticism, gossiping, talking about people... It's just depressing.
There's something that I think people forget about me sometimes. And I want you to let me get this out there amigos, just let me say it but don't bother pointing out anything about how the other half is. I know how it is with the other half and I sympathize. But I'm not talking about the other half here, I'm talking about me.
What I think people forget is that I live alone and I'm single. Almost everyone else...make that everyone else in this particular group is married. They know I'm single, but it doesn't seem to enter into their thought processes when thinking about my obligations.
Essentially everything comes down to me. My paycheck pays for everything. I do all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, housework. I do all the laundry. I do all the yard work (theoretically my tenant is supposed to be doing this by now, but it ain't happening). If something breaks, I fix it (whether that's in his place or mine). Or I have to find someone to fix it. I don't take many vacations because it's expensive to go someplace alone, and I don't travel with friends often. I work 40 hours a week, and have to fit everything else that needs to be done in my free time. If I need to take my car in I have to finagle something with a friend. I had to have my brother take me to get knee surgery. I have to clean up all the dog poop and walk the dogs every day (not a complaint, I LOVE my dogs and would do anything for them). If I'm sick there's no one to pick up any slack. When I was having all that work done on my rental space, I had to get all the estimates, hire all the contractors, take off work for said contractors, keep up with the contractors' work (which anyone who's hired one knows is not necessarily a picnic). That was a HUGE investment of time, and it would have been nice just to have someone watch my back.
And I realize that being married or in a live in relationship doesn't necessarily mean that I wouldn't still be doing these things, so don't think I don't know that (I've seen my brother and sister-in-law...he makes more work than he accomplishes).
I guess the reason I'm saying all this is, it bothers me when people take issue with how I do things when they have absolutely no idea what my life is like. They judge what I can accomplish in my spare time, and it feels pretty crappy.
It may seem like it, but I'm not complaining about being single. I could devote an entire column to the benefits of being single! And I don't want people to think I'm feeling sorry for myself.
I just wish that people who bother to judge me without knowing me would walk a mile in my shoes and then get back to me, you know?
Thanks for letting me vent.
I've been busting my tail at work today and am taking a quick break to eat and blog.
I've actually been a bit stressed lately. Work hasn't been doing it, I like my job. It's more personal stuff. I won't go into detail, but someone whom I deal with in one of my outside of work obligations (and there are several) has been bugging me to no end. Actually, quite a few people have been bugging me to no end. Life was so much easier when I kept to myself. But as I widen my base of acquaintances, I keep running in to people that I'd never actually be friends with, yet I have to spend time with them, and they don't like me. I don't like when people don't like me.
In case anyone from GABR is reading this, you are not among the people that I'm talking about! That's as much info as I'll give.
Anyway, I'm always friendly with everyone, and things seemed to have been going along just fine. The problem is that for some people, my work habits don't quite mesh with theirs, and it bothers them. And not only does it bother them, they have no trouble saying it, but not to me in person. What they do is, send emails to that effect, and then copy other people whom they seem to think need to know. So I'm blindsided and end up having to defend myself to this person and whatever other individuals they've chosen to include. And when I do take issue with it, I'm told that I've misunderstood them, or that they were just 'checking' or some such thing. It's typical passive aggressive bullshit and something I've worked very hard to rid myself of. Alas it seems to find me no matter what. There is so much criticism, gossiping, talking about people... It's just depressing.
There's something that I think people forget about me sometimes. And I want you to let me get this out there amigos, just let me say it but don't bother pointing out anything about how the other half is. I know how it is with the other half and I sympathize. But I'm not talking about the other half here, I'm talking about me.
What I think people forget is that I live alone and I'm single. Almost everyone else...make that everyone else in this particular group is married. They know I'm single, but it doesn't seem to enter into their thought processes when thinking about my obligations.
Essentially everything comes down to me. My paycheck pays for everything. I do all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, housework. I do all the laundry. I do all the yard work (theoretically my tenant is supposed to be doing this by now, but it ain't happening). If something breaks, I fix it (whether that's in his place or mine). Or I have to find someone to fix it. I don't take many vacations because it's expensive to go someplace alone, and I don't travel with friends often. I work 40 hours a week, and have to fit everything else that needs to be done in my free time. If I need to take my car in I have to finagle something with a friend. I had to have my brother take me to get knee surgery. I have to clean up all the dog poop and walk the dogs every day (not a complaint, I LOVE my dogs and would do anything for them). If I'm sick there's no one to pick up any slack. When I was having all that work done on my rental space, I had to get all the estimates, hire all the contractors, take off work for said contractors, keep up with the contractors' work (which anyone who's hired one knows is not necessarily a picnic). That was a HUGE investment of time, and it would have been nice just to have someone watch my back.
And I realize that being married or in a live in relationship doesn't necessarily mean that I wouldn't still be doing these things, so don't think I don't know that (I've seen my brother and sister-in-law...he makes more work than he accomplishes).
I guess the reason I'm saying all this is, it bothers me when people take issue with how I do things when they have absolutely no idea what my life is like. They judge what I can accomplish in my spare time, and it feels pretty crappy.
It may seem like it, but I'm not complaining about being single. I could devote an entire column to the benefits of being single! And I don't want people to think I'm feeling sorry for myself.
I just wish that people who bother to judge me without knowing me would walk a mile in my shoes and then get back to me, you know?
Thanks for letting me vent.
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