Act II

Hey Amigos,

I've stopped and started this blog several times over the last couple weeks. I'm going for it right now, though, and I'm going to put this thing out there come hell or high water. My reader deserves it!

Work has been very, very... stressful I guess. Tense? It's been busy and crazy and I have some responsibilities that are weighing heavily on me. Not bad, just that things are going to be tough for the next several months. I'll be fine amigos, not to worry. In the words of Lloyd Bridges in "Airplane," I guess I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

Weight loss is actually going very well! I've sort of recommitted to the program. A WW friend and I even sat through a 'first meeting' talk and everything. And it's working! We've decided to call it Act II. Act I was great, and intermission was fun and snack-filled, but Act II promises to knock your socks off. :D

My appetite also had a bit of a boost (or the opposite, but in a good way) by a date I had last week. You know how it is, you're thinking about a boy (or a girl, depending on your persuasion) and you don't care about eating. I have no idea if it's going to go anywhere or not (as of this writing we haven't gone on date three yet...not sure if it's going to happen), but you know what? The mere fact that it was a fantastic date, he was a perfect gentleman, he treated me wonderfully, he's cute...it makes up for every single crappy date I had with my previous gentleman caller. And pretty much every date we had was crappy. So I've reset my weighing self and my dating self. All systems go.

The dating thing is interesting. It always kind of highlights what a mess I am inside. Self doubt, negative self-talk, dwelling on bad experiences. My skin is terribly thin, and I have no confidence. I keep up a good front, and I think I manage to fake it. But inside I'm coming up with every reason he could ever find to not like me. Wondering if he thinks I'm fat. Wondering how I could compete with other women.

Yeah, it's a mess.

Believe me, it's gotten monumentally better over the years. And it's something I work on all the time. But seeing a boy just brings it all to the surface. And frankly, this was quite a boy. Charming, sweet, funny, and in my humble opinion, hotter than hell. I have strange tastes admittedly, so I certainly don't imagine everyone would agree with me on that.

Anyway, who knows. The upside of it all is that I feel rejuvenated by it, happy, I had fun, and I deserved it. He treated me so well, and I deserve to be treated well. So, if it doesn't happen with him, it will happen with someone.

It's weird. My life is not what I imagined it would be. I always figured I'd get married and have kids. Actually, it wasn't until recent years that I realized that it's not going to happen. I'm not going to write about that here, I just can't. Way too much emotion behind it. Maybe some day.

What else... Well, Christmas shopping is going OK. Dogs are doing well! My health is good. No new music, per se. I've been listening to a lot of different things. Oh, riding lessons are killer. I'm riding a different horse for the most part, though Chompy the Ear Biter is still a lesson horse for me. I can't get over how much I have learned, how much fun I'm having, and how much I love horses.

Well, there's a crappy Lifetime Movie on right now (with Shannen Doherty and Tim Matheson...hah!), and I have an all day workshop tomorrow (all part of my new responsibilities...fun fun fun) so I'm going to go veg out for a while. Say a prayer to whoever the patron saint of these things is that I get to see the boy again, or that I'm at least lucky in love at some point.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving (mine was fun, btw, and I still lost weight!), and that the Christmas season finds you all healthy and happy.