Under the freakin' weather

That last update was completed shortly before all hell broke loose within my body. I caught some sort of horrible virus that hit me on Monday. I suffered through a mid-morning meeting, then ran back to my desk, fired off an email to my boss that I was going home, made it home and spent the rest of the day doing things which are far too gross to mention here, me being the delicate flower that I am. I even developed a 101 fever, which is incredibly high for me, seeing as I hover below 98.6 regularly.

So, I was off Monday afternoon, and yesterday. I set my alarm to go in to work today, but when I actually tried to get up and get ready I knew it was a bad idea. I would have turned green by 10:00.

I only ate a bowl of oatmeal on Monday (which even then I just rented), and nothing else. Then yesterday I had a couple bomb pops, some soda crackers, a can of soup and some sugar wafers and diet 7 up, in an effort to eat blandly.

Today I had eggs for breakfast. So far my body has given them the go ahead, but I don't trust it any further than I can throw it, so I'm waiting to see if there's a revolution imminent.

You'll be the first to know.

I really wish I knew how I picked this up, so that I could avoid whatever the culprit was for the rest of my life. You never really do find out though, do you. I don't know anyone who's been sick with this. I did read that there was an outbreak at Selery Hall in Madison, but seeing as I haven't been to Madison in about 15 years, it's pretty unlikely. I'll probably never know. That's the scary thing. This virus could be around any corner now...waiting...

I have no idea what this will mean for my weigh in tomorrow. Will I have lost weight? Or will my body be hanging onto every bite that I eat for sustenance? No idea.

Well, I'm off. Just had to give you the latest.

Oh, my friend who received the email I told you about wants to talk to me. Not quite sure how I feel about that. But my feeling remains the same. I'll not sit idly by waiting for him to find someone better. He doesn't need me to do that.

Sayonara Dude!

I'm pretty sure I just wrote a dear john letter.

Not that I've talked about it much, but I still see the feller I told you about a few months ago. You know the one. He chose to go to a church festival in spite of asking me over for dinner. He also told me my house smelled. Yeah, you remember now, right?

Against my better judgment I'd still see him. It's one of those things where I actually do have fun with him, like I'm enjoying myself just enough to make it worthwhile.

But here's the problem. I'm a one feller kind of gal. And not because I necessarily possess some great moral standard or anything. It has a lot to do with concentration, really. And avoidance of conflict too. And the ability to actually be pretty happy most of the time in that I don't feel the need to keep looking when I have something good.

Alas, my friend was not of that same mindframe. We weren't serious enough for me to say he was cheating or anything. But it was obvious that, although he was seeing me, he was continuing to seek out others' companionship. I finally decided that if that's what he wants, that's fine, but that I don't need to stick around while he looks for someone else.

I was going to call him. I mean, I think it's only fair to actually talk to the person. Also, email leaves too much for interpretation. You can't tell a person's demeanor. It's easy to read something the wrong way. That sort of thing. But this morning I logged in to facebook (for some reason I can't help checking in there every day...I don't even like it per se, but there's always so much activity that I'm compelled to look).

There was an update to his page so I opened it. It turns out that he'd been using the speed dating service there and flirting with people (not me), and I thought, well, if that's how it's going to be, I don't really feel the need to call him to talk with him. He's made his choice, and the sooner, and quicker, I do this the better.

Now before you go and think I was checking up on him, lemme 'splain. The fact that he was using the facebook speed dating service was posted prominently on his facebook page. I didn't have to look for it, it was staring me right in the face. As a side note, this is the kind of thing that happens to me all the time. I think guys think women check up on them. The fact of the matter is, guys have no idea how poorly they cover their tracks. They leave clues all over the damned place, the poor schmucks and then they blame us for 'figuring it out.'

So I did write an email. Luckily I'm very skilled at analytical and technical writing. Creative writing is not my forte. So I composed a very logical, level headed email explaining where I stood, and before I had time to talk myself out of it, I sent it.

There was a pang of regret that I felt almost immediately. That was because I'm not so sure what I'll be getting back from him. Nothing would be perfect. Nothing would be ideal. But sending someone an email gives them ample time to reflect and respond, and I'm afraid I may hear things from him that I really don't want to. At least when you're talking with someone it's usually settled then and there. Now I've got this email out there, dangling...and I have to wait for that other shoe to drop, and maybe it never will.

That was really the only regret that I felt. I'm afraid he might write me back and that it will make me feel bad. I really don't feel bad right now. But maybe if I've hurt him, he'll hurt me back. Hard to say. I don't think I've hurt him...he obviously can't care that much about me or he wouldn't be looking.

I actually feel kind of good, really. Like I'm sparing myself some future pain. Who wants to hear that it's been nice to spend time with you but I've found the person I was really looking for? I don't want to hear that.

Frankly, I don't know what the guy's problem is. I can't imagine he'll be able to find another woman with the (often undeserved) tolerance I've shown him.

Good news all around!

I figured I'd better provide an update here, you never know if my reader is waiting to hear from me or not.

Pretty much good news all around. The gods (or maybe just God) smiled upon me this week, and I found a tenant for my rental unit. I'm thrilled and relieved. Honestly, I couldn't have planned this better. It turns out that my neighbor's mother needed a place by December 1, so when I was telling him about my tenant bailing, he told me about this. We were both amazed at the timing. I mean, what are the odds? That was the bit of good news I didn't want to jinx myself over, so now that it's a done deal (I have a signed lease and everything!) I feel I can breathe easy and talk about it.

And, although I'd said I wasn't going to share the number of pounds I've lost, I reached a milestone I feel I have to share.

I've now lost a total of 75 pounds!

I can't believe it. When I look at that number it doesn't seem real. But it is.

I am not concentrating on how far I have to go (frankly, I have a way to go before I make it out of the 'obese' category and to hit a healthy BMI), because if I do I get discouraged. I'm just focusing on following the WW plan. I've had a couple stumbling blocks, and I had a gain a couple weeks back that I wasn't thrilled about. But I know that if I persevere, if I do what I know is right, I'll continue to lose. And I just don't care how long it takes me.

Know what's scary? Realizing just how much 75 pounds weighs and knowing that I was lugging that around. I'm trying not dwell on where I was because it makes me ashamed. But I'll never deny it. I have a problem and I spent some time on the dark side, but I fought my way back out.

I can't believe I did it. I know now that it's possible. Just some hard work and dedication. But all things considered, I do not feel in any way deprived and I don't feel that I've had to change anything so drastically.

Essentially what I've done is stop eating stupid things. It's not rocket science to figure out what's stupid food, so I just don't eat it anymore.

I've been doing this program for 8+ months. In a few short months it will be a year, and I already feel like a different person. And I don't care if it takes me another year, or two or more, to reach my 'goal' (that I haven't set yet). Because all that will mean is that I'm further incorporating these changes into my lifestyle. The time is going to pass either way, I may as well be healthy during the trip.

I don't know what changed me to make me stick with this, to make this program work. It's a combination of many things, I think. First of all, I never miss a meeting. I need that accountability. Secondly, my leader is a wonderful, fantastic, inspiring person. I give her enormous credit for keeping me motivated. I have friends who are on this journey with me, and their support means so much. And it's a good program, plain and simple. It works. There aren't many things that I say you get what you paid for. But Weight Watchers monthly pass/e-tools? Worth. every. dime.

So, there you have it. Maybe some day I'll be brave enough to post progress pics.

Not here, necessarily. Sorry if you thought that's what I meant.

:)

Da latest nooz

Hey Amigos!

Sorry for the silence. I've been preoccupied with so much I just haven't had the urge to blog.

I'm still dealing with loss of tenant stuff, but things are looking better. I'm not going to jinx it by saying anything, but will report here when all is said and done.

I'm so incredibly happy that the election is over and that Obama is our next president. More than happy, I'm thrilled, elated. Joyous even. What a day for our country, for the world. It's my sister's birthday today too, so this must be the best present she's ever gotten.

I bit the bullet and went out canvassing yesterday. This is a huge deal for me. I am not a door to door type person, for many reasons. First, I can't imagine anyone whose door I knock on would be any more excited to see me than I would be if they knocked on my door. Not a fan of complete strangers rousing me from whatever it is I may be doing. Second, I don't like talking to strangers. At all. I hate it.

So canvassing is WAY out of my comfort zone. Actually, it's directly opposite from anything I could ever say I want to do. But, I did it. It actually wasn't that bad. Most people weren't home, and the few who were didn't react to me one way or the other, really. Know what the weird thing is? I found it easier to approach people who were on the street (it was a beautiful day and people were out raking, so I chatted them up). I just hate ringing people's doorbells and interrupting their at-home time.

I guess I just wanted to be able to say that at the end of the day I really did something for the campaign that day. It felt good. And I can say it took a bit of bravery on my part! Stepping out of one's comfort zone is like that.

So, the Beastie Boys on Sunday were FANTASTIC. Our seats were great, close and completely unobstructed, I could see all the action. I love those guys. My ears have finally stopped ringing. Now I'm going to see Jeffrey Osbourne on Thursday (tomorrow). I'm sure it might seem odd to some that I'd be into both shows, but I am, and not just me but my friend T who went to see the BBs with me. I actually saw Jeffrey Osbourne years ago, over 20 years, I'd say. Whitney Houston opened for him, like minutes before she hit it big. No one knew who she was, but she blew everyone away. I was never a fan of hers, but she did put on a terrific show.

Interesting week so far, all things considered.