Tracking and things

Hey Amigos,

I figure I'd better blog about something or I may lose my faithful reader. So here I am! Happy?

It's been an interesting few weeks. My mom had her hip replaced 2 weeks ago. She was in the hospital for 5 days, and is now in transitional care and will stay there til next week, probably Wednesday. I'm responsible for getting her mail, taking care of her house and cat, etc. My brothers don't do it because my mom doesn't trust them to have access to her house when she's not there (and no, my brothers aren't adolescents; they're both in their 50s). My sister can only do some of it because she's allergic to cats.

I'm not complaining, it just makes for a busy couple of weeks, because I usually go and get her mail and bring it to her at the rehab facility on a daily basis, and it's not exactly around the corner. It's not incredibly far either, but it's a trip.

So I've been busy doing that. I also caught a cold. I rarely get sick, but I think this is the third illness I've had in a year or so (I'll have to go back and look at some of my blog postings, because I remember blogging about a cold that I had; and I certainly have not forgotten that stomach blow out thing I had in October which was newsworthy). Normally I'm as healthy as can be, never really get sick. And I'm surprised I'm saying this, but I almost feel like maybe I should have stayed home for a day or two during this cold. I didn't, though, because I have a ton of stuff to do here.

The weight loss is plugging along. I think I could officially say I've hit a plateau. Right now I'm .4 lbs heavier than I was 1 month ago. I've had losses in there, but I've had gains too. So, yeah, it's plateau time for me.

But, I know exactly why I'm on this plateau. It's completely 100% my own doing. This isn't a mystery. I haven't been tracking for about the last 2 weeks. Why? Because I've been eating things I shouldn't. As if not tracking them makes them not matter. You know, you can get away with that for a little while, but sooner or later it catches up with you. And that's where I'm at right now.

But, by some strange twist of fate, yesterday's meeting topic was TRACKING. Why it's important, why we do it, why we don't do it, reasons to do it. Tracking = weight loss. There's just no two ways about it. I think maybe I thought I could handle not tracking. I think I was a little cocky and thought that I could track in my head.

I will never again let myself reach that level of complacency. This is a battle for my life amigos. I can't be so flippant about it. I can't come as far as I have and then decide I can make my own rules. I'm NOT going back where I was.

I really and truly feel energized. I needed yesterday's meeting more than I've ever needed a WW meeting in my life, because this was the longest I'd ever gone without tracking, and look where it got me? I needed to hear what was said.

So, I'm going to continually, daily, ask myself "Do I want to track today?" And I will faithfully answer myself "If I want to lose weight I do."

I'm actually glad I came on here to blog amigos. This is good. I'm committing to these decisions. I'm taking control back. Isn't that funny? You think you're in control so you don't track, but really it's tracking that keeps you in control.

On another topic, tomorrow is my first riding lesson. I'm excited and apprehensive. We're going to go over ground work, saddling and proper seat. I do not yet know what style I'll be doing, English or western. I've only ever ridden western, and it's fine, but I'm intrigued by English and it seems to me that you're actually more involved with the horse when riding English. Less saddle and equipment, less between you and the horse.

And, as I write this, excitement has overtaken apprehension. :) Can hardly wait!

Well, I'll sign off. Good to be back amigos! Good to be recommitting, good to be picking up my journey where I left off.

Good for me!

I should leave the room when commercials come on...

A recent commercial just irks me.

There's some new vitamin formula out there, from one a day, made specifically for teens. Not just teens in general, there are separate formulas for girl teens and boys teens. The commercial says:

Complete Multivitamins for Teen Boys & Girls to Support:*

Healthy muscle function (for Him)
Healthy skin (for Her)

So, I guess girls' muscles don't need to function healthily, and boys' skin is healthy enough that they don't need vitamins to support it.

Honestly, WTF?

I'm not anti-vitamin. I take a multivitamin and a calcium supplement with vitamin D, both suggested to me by my doctor, a decision reinforced by my own research. And of course I'd never deny that there are some vitamins and minerals that are more beneficial to either sex.

But I also think our culture is a bit vitamin crazy. From what I've read, the body can only use so much of the vitamins in supplements, that after a certain point they become useless and our body just dumps the excess. To paraphrase from the book "Eat, Drink and Be Healthy," people in the United States have the healthiest urine in the world.

I really am so annoyed with this junk. I just find it sad that in this day and age these stereotypes are still being reinforced, and about things that are so basic and important. All kids want their skin to be healthy, whether they say it or not. Boy or girl, zits are no fun. Guys should not have to worry that they actually care about their skin, and girls shouldn't worry if they're interested in their damned muscle function.

Oh, I don't know what I'm saying. It's just a ridiculous thing. Honestly, how far is it from the old "My wife...I think I'll keep her!" that I saw when I was a kid?

What gets me more is that most people won't notice, or care. And on and on it goes.

There's a little more of me, I think.

Hey Amigos,

Been a while, hey? Busy I guess, or not much to say, or both.

The weight loss continues, slow and steady. I had some major struggles this weekend though, so this week could see a gain.

I had a yen for sweets that couldn't be sated. Then we celebrated my brother's birthday (aka: cake was had), and then yesterday, Sunday, I just got really depressed and couldn't quit eating. No pre WW binges, thank goodness. I just ate far too much of everything. I went to the vending machine twice on Friday. I ate an entire bag of peanut butter pretzels, a couple bags of rice cakes, I put real sugar on my strawberries. I just kind of lost it all around.

There's not much rhyme or reason to these episodes. They're just there, they occur and I have to work my way through them. I'm still most definitely feeling it today, but at least I have the structure of work, and I can keep a much better handle on my eating on a weekday. Weekends, I'm just left to my own devices, and, in the case of eating, I am in fact my own worst enemy.

Hopefully the depression will lift soon and I'll be back where I need to be. There were a few moments where I was really feeling my old self rearing up. Self-defeating conversations about the weight loss struggle, how long it's going to take me, how much I have to lose.

It's amazing that my conversations with myself are so negative sometimes. Self-sabotage, much? I mean, I'd never talk to anyone the way I talk to myself. It's so weird and strange. My therapist and I have hit on many things that are behind my negative self-talking, and we're working on it. It's some pretty deep stuff and I won't get into it here. I couldn't write a blog long enough to cover all of that crap.

There are definitely some good things going on too. I got to hang out with my nephew this weekend. He's five, and I absolutely love his guts. He's so adorable and funny and smart.

I also did a little baking. I've taken part in an "Eat Right Challenge" here at work, and our activity for this week was to bring a healthy snack to share at work. Another woman in my office is also doing it, and we both brought our stuff in today, which actually worked out really well! I brought a sweet (apple oat muffins) and she brought a savory (baked chips and fresh salsa).

I also made a crock pot full of lasagna yesterday. It's a new recipe, I haven't a clue how it turned out (can't tell much from that top layer), and I sort of messed up layering it because I ended up with a ton of tomato sauce that all had to be slopped on the top. I guess my 'divvying' skills aren't what I thought they were.

I made it with fat free ricotta, low fat mozarella, whole wheat noodles, crushed tomatoes and spinach. You know, you use the fat free in a dish like this and you can't even tell. And boy does it knock the points off. And it still tastes good! At least, I assume this will taste good. I did try a teeny bit last night, but you know how it is with lasagna. It's got to age a bit.

Appropos of absolutely nothing, here's my latest goof. I saw a special on some cable channel, current, I think? This band played at MoMA, it was amazing, I'd practically have killed to be there. Their version of this song made me cry. A lot. Hey, it was just that kind of weekend for me. I posted it on Facebook too. I'm not a big video fan, but this is pretty incredible.