There's a little more of me, I think.

Hey Amigos,

Been a while, hey? Busy I guess, or not much to say, or both.

The weight loss continues, slow and steady. I had some major struggles this weekend though, so this week could see a gain.

I had a yen for sweets that couldn't be sated. Then we celebrated my brother's birthday (aka: cake was had), and then yesterday, Sunday, I just got really depressed and couldn't quit eating. No pre WW binges, thank goodness. I just ate far too much of everything. I went to the vending machine twice on Friday. I ate an entire bag of peanut butter pretzels, a couple bags of rice cakes, I put real sugar on my strawberries. I just kind of lost it all around.

There's not much rhyme or reason to these episodes. They're just there, they occur and I have to work my way through them. I'm still most definitely feeling it today, but at least I have the structure of work, and I can keep a much better handle on my eating on a weekday. Weekends, I'm just left to my own devices, and, in the case of eating, I am in fact my own worst enemy.

Hopefully the depression will lift soon and I'll be back where I need to be. There were a few moments where I was really feeling my old self rearing up. Self-defeating conversations about the weight loss struggle, how long it's going to take me, how much I have to lose.

It's amazing that my conversations with myself are so negative sometimes. Self-sabotage, much? I mean, I'd never talk to anyone the way I talk to myself. It's so weird and strange. My therapist and I have hit on many things that are behind my negative self-talking, and we're working on it. It's some pretty deep stuff and I won't get into it here. I couldn't write a blog long enough to cover all of that crap.

There are definitely some good things going on too. I got to hang out with my nephew this weekend. He's five, and I absolutely love his guts. He's so adorable and funny and smart.

I also did a little baking. I've taken part in an "Eat Right Challenge" here at work, and our activity for this week was to bring a healthy snack to share at work. Another woman in my office is also doing it, and we both brought our stuff in today, which actually worked out really well! I brought a sweet (apple oat muffins) and she brought a savory (baked chips and fresh salsa).

I also made a crock pot full of lasagna yesterday. It's a new recipe, I haven't a clue how it turned out (can't tell much from that top layer), and I sort of messed up layering it because I ended up with a ton of tomato sauce that all had to be slopped on the top. I guess my 'divvying' skills aren't what I thought they were.

I made it with fat free ricotta, low fat mozarella, whole wheat noodles, crushed tomatoes and spinach. You know, you use the fat free in a dish like this and you can't even tell. And boy does it knock the points off. And it still tastes good! At least, I assume this will taste good. I did try a teeny bit last night, but you know how it is with lasagna. It's got to age a bit.

Appropos of absolutely nothing, here's my latest goof. I saw a special on some cable channel, current, I think? This band played at MoMA, it was amazing, I'd practically have killed to be there. Their version of this song made me cry. A lot. Hey, it was just that kind of weekend for me. I posted it on Facebook too. I'm not a big video fan, but this is pretty incredible.