First WW Christmas

Hey Amigos,

Christmas has come and gone, and I'm back to a relatively normal routine. I did attend a WW meeting on Saturday (my regular Thursday meeting didn't take place on account of it's Christmas), and I did indeed gain weight. No surprise. I did make quite merry on Christmas eve and day, and partook of goodies that I only ever see once a year (my mom's chow mein candy and bark, my brother's pecan pie, which is actually something I see maybe once a decade). I also had a run in with some cookies that I made (HUGE mistake--I won't be making cookies again any time soon).

Bottom line, I ate what I wanted and I didn't track anything.

Part of me is glad that I had these things that I really do like a lot. And I'm trying not to regret what I've done.

Another part of me is terrified because I felt that whole lack of control coming back. It's amazing how tenuous my hold on food 'sobriety' is. I could have continued on and on. And Christmas eve and day I pretty much did. It wasn't my best moment.

It's really difficult to explain my relationship with food. The tastes of these things is so overwhelming to me, but the actual enjoyment is so fleeting. I do not eat these things out of hunger, I know that much. It's a compulsion. I can't describe it any other way. The way an alcoholic needs a drink, that's how I feel about food. No offense to my reader if they have a drinking problem, I would never downplay a serious addiction like that. I truly mean what I say. That is the hold that food has on me. It becomes all consuming. And if the food is there, I'm going to eat it. Like the cookies I made. Until I got them out of my house I couldn't stop eating them. And some of the food that was here at work, it's the same thing. I know it's there, and as long as it's there I'm going to think about eating it, and may inevitably eat it.

I don't understand people who can control their eating without a struggle. For me it's an every minute of every day struggle. Thankfully, I've been winning. And even though I did have a gain this week, I don't feel defeated. I was on program yesterday and I'm on program today, and I see no reason that I won't be on program until my next weigh in.

The scariest thing is that I still have these feelings toward food even though I've been living the results of how eating well can change my life. I'm wearing clothes I couldn't wear a year ago. I'm a different person than I was a year ago. But still, I made trip after trip to the foods I wanted. WTF? I mean, really? How messed up IS that????

The fact is that I would still consider eating all the bad foods, my triggers, in spite of how much better I feel, how much better my health is, how much more I can do. Even though it's probably the worst thing for me, I still put that food in my mouth.

But, I will not beat myself up about this. It was Christmas. It's over. And all things considered, I really didn't do all that bad. I gave away the majority of cookies I made. I never opened the Godiva chocolate that I got, but gave it to my mother (who could frankly gain a few pounds...go figure hey? I dwarf my mother, I always have). I shared the food gifts I got at work with my students.

Most importantly, I went to my meeting. I went to my meeting. My buddy Alabaster Mom reminded me of how important that part actually is and after receiving an email from her, I realized that I'd inadvertently kept a promise to myself by going to the meeting.

I swore, at the beginning of this journey, that no matter what, come hell or high water, I wouldn't miss a meeting (unless I was bleeding out of my eyes, of course). I didn't remember that promise until AFTER I'd gone to the meeting, which is why I say I'd kept it inadvertently. But it really, truly is the most important thing, I think. It grounds me, it reminds me what I'm in this for. It keeps me accountable. And it puts me on track, it reminds me that the program has been working and that I need to work it.

I think if I'd missed my meeting, I would have pushed myself into more bad situations. Something along the lines of "well, that week's a wash, I'll make it up this week" and then I would be terrified of my next weigh in and maybe wouldn't have gone to that meeting either.

The last thing I ever want to do, amigos, is to walk through those doors for the first time again. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I just don't want to ever, ever do it again. I don't want to start again.

And I don't want this weight that I've lost to come back. It's gone, it's left me, I've banished it. I will not let one holiday screw the pooch. No, never.

I've got way too much ahead of me to throw it in. This coming year is going to be a big one for me. First off, I've made a solemn vow to 2 friends that I will take part in the MS society bike ride this summer. This ain't no sissy bike ride either. I'm going to end up in Madison I think. That kind of bike ride...

Also, this was the year I was going to start riding lessons. I'd hoped to be a bit closer to an appropriate riding weight by now, but really, who starts riding lessons in January anyway? So I've got a few months.

And, I really would like to find a nice fellow. And not like the ones I've been dealing with, who I think in the end do not realize what they have in me. And frankly I'd rather be single than settle.

You know what kind of guy I would love? Imagine Anderson Cooper, but straight and not a newscaster but just a normal guy. Smart, funny, dapper and cute. That's what I want. Is that too much to ask?

Do NOT answer that question...

Christmas greetings

Hey Amigos!

Sorry for being so silent. I had hoped to actually have an update last week, but I took a day off in there, and then work was closed due to snow (there's nothing quite like hearing your place of employment is closed due to weather...nothing compares). Then I was outside freezing and shovelling and snow blowing. And actually, I don't like blogging on my home computer. I don't type as quickly. So, there you are.

Things have been good. The losing has been going quite well! I had a gain two weeks ago, but hit it out of the park last week and made it up and then some.

Now it's getting challenging. I came in to work today and there was a tin of cookies, 2 bags of candy and a container of Godiva chocolate covered almonds. DARK chocolate covered almonds...aahhhhrrrrrrgggghhhhh...all left on my chair.

This is all just for ME. Bless them all for making me something, and I really am grateful, but it's not easy. So far I've eaten 3 cookies and a piece of fudge. I must stop now or all will be lost! Well, not all, of course. But it won't be good. Nope. Not good.

Did lots of snow removal this weekend. My snowblower worked like a charm. I feel like a badass with it, it's so big, red and loud. I start walking around like I own the place. I can't believe how great my neighbors all are. Seriously. I made one pathetic run down my driveway (my long, long, long driveway) then started to open up the end of the driveway. While my back was turned, what happened? 3 of my neighbors got together and shovelled my entire driveway. I did one path down it, and they did the rest. And they shovelled, not blew. I tell you, I nearly cried. That's how my neighborhood is. I'm usually up too late to be of much help, but this time I was able to help because the damn plows kept shoving all the snow back, all the way up to the sidewalks!

It was really amazing.

I guess I'm done Christmas shopping. I have this feeling I'm neglecting something or someone. I actually did wrapping yesterday. Wrapping is one of those things that takes 8 times longer than I think it will, so I figured I'd do it early. So I'm essentially ready. I don't know, I'm not too enthused about the stuff I'm giving. I was at the time, but when you sit back and look at it, I don't know.

I really do love Christmas. It's usually such a happy occasion, and I honestly do love giving people things. Receiving is great, but the giving...I love the giving. I love finding the perfect gift for someone, and then I have to restrain myself from telling them because I'm so excited for them to get it. And I LOVE giving my nephew stuff! He's so cute! I love Christmas music (of my choosing). And the food and egg nog and just the getting together and hanging out. Christmas eve I'll be with my whole family. Christmas day my mom and sister and I have a tradition. We were all so sad the year my dad died, we wanted to shake things up for Christmas. So, what did we do? We went to the movies! I'll never forget it. The year dad died we went to see The Talented Mr. Ripley at a deluxe theater, and we had dinner there. It was such a nice day, and breaking from what we usually did kept our spirits up.

So, we've done that every year since. Some movies have been very good (Curse of the Were-Rabbit), some stunk (Castaway...that movie was just torturous...we're much more careful about what we go to see since that one), but it's always fun. This year we think we've settled on Frost/Nixon. My mother and I are both huge Frank Langella fans. Strange, I know, but true. Come on, the guy's a dish. Maybe not as Nixon so much...

Then after the movie we usually go to our favorite Indian restaurant. Altogether it makes for a most excellent day.

In the time it took me to write this post I also ate 3 Hershey kisses. This madness must stop...

Big changes!

Hey Amigos!

Today's a big day for me. I fit into a pair of pants whose size starts with a 1. Can't remember the last time I did that! They're a wee bit tight, and when I sit down I do have a little roll of fat hanging over, but you really can't tell. No less than 5 coworkers mentioned my weight loss today, which, while making me somewhat self conscious, also perks my spirits up to no end!

On to other news, something amazing happened last week. But let me 'splain first. In July I had a physical. I was expecting everything to turn out normally, and for the most part it did, but my cholesterol was a bit alarming. At 219 it was higher than I imagined, considering I'd been on WW since February.

Now I can't say this for sure, but I had this sneaking suspicion that my predilection for WW frozen dinners may have been part of the problem. I was just eating too many of them. So when the doc told me he wanted me to come back in a few months to have my cholesterol checked again, I decided to make a few changes, the first of which was NO MORE FROZEN DINNERS. Not WW, not Lean Cuisine, not Budget Gourmet.

I honestly didn't change a whole lot else. I will admit that I partook of the frozen dinners more frequently than I am sure is recommended, so I'm not blaming WW. It was just my penchant to eat them if I had the points, and sometimes maybe that meant eating more than one a day. Probably not a good idea.

Anyway, I went back last week for my blood test. I'd been eating very well and getting exercise and I assumed that I'd been able to lower it moderately. Well, nothing could have prepared me for what my new number was.

My total cholesterol is now 191!!!! 28 points in 5 months! I should write a book! I mean, you see these folks in commercials, and they're saying "I lowered my cholesterol 5 points" and this and that, and I say "In your face suckers! Let's see you beat 28!"

I was absolutely floored. I printed off both test results (I can access my records online) and compared them side by side and sat there slack-jawed. Then one of my students (who happens to be a laboratory science major) came in and I showed her. Then I got on the phone and called a friend and told him. Then I called another friend and told him. Then I called my brother.

I'm amazed at what a small change can do. I'm amazed at the influence I can have over my own body and health. I did it all by myself! No pills, no restricted diet, nothing. Just pure Marginwalker power.

So, if you need to lower your cholesterol, screw what you seen on TV and come talk to me.

A small consulting fee will apply.

Care to join me?

Well amigos, here's where it's at. Something significant happened at my last weigh in. I hit a number that wouldn't mean much to your average joe, and actually it wasn't a particular goal in mind. But, what that weight is, is 100 pounds heavier than I should be. So, as of my last weigh in, I have 100 pounds to reach my goal.

I'm not going to divulge what that weight is, or what I weigh now, or the exact amount I've lost so far. I'm not ready to do that just yet. Some of the folks who do weight watchers are so brave and they put it all out there, stats, numbers, pictures. I just can't, I'm so mortified with where I started. Maybe some day, when I'm comfortable and several years have passed and some people I know have died maybe I'll be ready.

So, another leg of my journey begins. I'm on a quest to lose 100 pounds. The weirdest thing is that it doesn't sound like that much weight to me. I realize that it is, I realize I have a long, hard battle ahead of me. But I think I've got the skills.

Will said skills pay the bills? I think so.

So, here goes.

On another note, I made something so good yesterday I thought I'd plotz. It wasn't the easiest thing to prepare. It involves a butternut squash and I coulnd't find my vegetable peeler anywhere so I sort of hacked the skin off. And they're tough buggers so cutting it wasn't that great. See, I like cooking, but I HATE prep work like chopping vegetables. But what you do is peel, halve and remove the seeds of the squash. Then you cut it into french fry-like strips. Spray a cookie sheet liberally with Pam, put the fries on the cookie sheet, add a little salt, and pop in a preheated oven at 425. After 20 minutes you need to turn the little buggers so they bake evenly, then give it another 20 minutes.

C'est tout. That's all. They were...KILLER. Absolutely frickin' delicious. So delicious that in spite of the prep work involved I will probably make another batch today. I ate all of yesterday's batch because after the hack job I did I had considerably less squash than I started with. Maybe today my abilities will be better honed.

Anyway, just had to share. I've been promising recipes on here and have yet to deliver, so I figure this is a start. You should try it, they're SO good!

Well, I'm off to lose 100 pounds.

:)

TG and Me

Hey Faithful Reader,

Sorry I've been so quiet. I just haven't had a whole lot to blog about I guess.

I made it through Thanksgiving relatively unscathed. I worked the program honestly and still managed to sneak in a 1/2 piece of pumpkin pie. I didn't lose my head over anything, I didn't really overeat, and I didn't indulge in stuff that I knew would be a lot of points.

The best thing about the last couple weeks has been that, in spite of my illness, I stayed on the program. Well, not so much when I was really out with the stomach virus. Then I just ate anything that appealed to me and that would stay down. Needless to say, fruits and veg are not what you crave when you have a stomach virus.

But unlike my past MO, when I started to feel better, I didn't continue to eat what I'd been eating when sick. I just went right back to the program with no issues. Totally new experience for me.

I'm thisclose to wearing pants whose size starts with a 1. This is a huge milestone for me. I also purchased a cute winter t-shirt (it's purple with a big snowflake on it) that is a 1X. It's wearable, though a bit small, but it was the only one they had, and I figure it'll fit nicely before the season is through. But what that means is, I'm only one size away from being out of plus-sized clothing. Another milestone!

I remember the day that I finally admitted I needed 'big girl' clothes, as I call them. I was shopping with a friend (not a big girl) and we decided it was time for me to go to Lane Bryant. This was a long time ago and nice plus-sized clothes weren't as easy to come by as they are now. I even remember some of the stuff I bought. Blech. Pretty low-quality crap, as I recall, and not particularly fashionable.

And once I entered that plus-sized world, I never looked back. Until now that is! I'm so looking forward to buying regular clothes, no longer just the biggest of everything.

I spent part of the weekend watching shows about obesity. I have cable and there are several health related channels and they show programs about all kinds of stuff like operations, weird medical phenomena, that sort of thing. I watch shows about obesity on a regular basis. I feel the need to, I feel compelled to. Some of these are not particularly uplifting. One they showed yesterday, which I'd seen before, profiled a man who weighed close to half a ton, I believe, and he died half-way through the show. I guess I watch them because I don't ever want to forget what I'm up against. I don't ever want to think I can take things easy. I need to remind myself every dang day that this is a life-long commitment.

I've saved one of these programs which I watch every now and then. It's called "I Eat 33,000 Calories a Day." They profile 4 people who are super morbidly obese. Only one of them is not housebound, though she's very close to being so. She's the one who reminds me of me. She's my age, and while she weighs more than I did, it's not so much more that I can look at her and say "I could never be that big." And that scares the living crap out of me. I'll watch this, and then I'll watch it again...reminding myself what I'm doing, remembering where I've been and where I'm going. I watch these programs out of more than just morbid fascination (which is why I watch programs like "The Man Whose Arms Exploded" and "200 Lb. Tumor").

These are my cautionary tales. These are to me what "Lost Weekend" might be to an alcoholic. I feel some need to surround myself with stories of these struggles, both good and bad. I do try to see more of the good than the bad though...I don't want to make myself depressed.

I honestly think it helps. I can't let myself become complacent, and this is just part of that effort.

Anyway, I can honestly say I survived Thanksgiving without any sabotage. I made sure to take a walk Thanksgiving day so I could eat more, and I dipped into my weekly points several times this week already. But this is what it's about. I need to learn to manage these situations. Nobody would have ever guessed that I was on a diet if they'd been with me on Thanksgiving. Well, I did go a little long on the Cool Whip, but everything else was in perfect moderation.

I won't know my success until weigh in on Thursday, and I'll report back, good, bad or otherwise. This is real-life, it can't all be good, and if this week's weigh in isn't what I expect, well, I'll get over it.

Under the freakin' weather

That last update was completed shortly before all hell broke loose within my body. I caught some sort of horrible virus that hit me on Monday. I suffered through a mid-morning meeting, then ran back to my desk, fired off an email to my boss that I was going home, made it home and spent the rest of the day doing things which are far too gross to mention here, me being the delicate flower that I am. I even developed a 101 fever, which is incredibly high for me, seeing as I hover below 98.6 regularly.

So, I was off Monday afternoon, and yesterday. I set my alarm to go in to work today, but when I actually tried to get up and get ready I knew it was a bad idea. I would have turned green by 10:00.

I only ate a bowl of oatmeal on Monday (which even then I just rented), and nothing else. Then yesterday I had a couple bomb pops, some soda crackers, a can of soup and some sugar wafers and diet 7 up, in an effort to eat blandly.

Today I had eggs for breakfast. So far my body has given them the go ahead, but I don't trust it any further than I can throw it, so I'm waiting to see if there's a revolution imminent.

You'll be the first to know.

I really wish I knew how I picked this up, so that I could avoid whatever the culprit was for the rest of my life. You never really do find out though, do you. I don't know anyone who's been sick with this. I did read that there was an outbreak at Selery Hall in Madison, but seeing as I haven't been to Madison in about 15 years, it's pretty unlikely. I'll probably never know. That's the scary thing. This virus could be around any corner now...waiting...

I have no idea what this will mean for my weigh in tomorrow. Will I have lost weight? Or will my body be hanging onto every bite that I eat for sustenance? No idea.

Well, I'm off. Just had to give you the latest.

Oh, my friend who received the email I told you about wants to talk to me. Not quite sure how I feel about that. But my feeling remains the same. I'll not sit idly by waiting for him to find someone better. He doesn't need me to do that.

Sayonara Dude!

I'm pretty sure I just wrote a dear john letter.

Not that I've talked about it much, but I still see the feller I told you about a few months ago. You know the one. He chose to go to a church festival in spite of asking me over for dinner. He also told me my house smelled. Yeah, you remember now, right?

Against my better judgment I'd still see him. It's one of those things where I actually do have fun with him, like I'm enjoying myself just enough to make it worthwhile.

But here's the problem. I'm a one feller kind of gal. And not because I necessarily possess some great moral standard or anything. It has a lot to do with concentration, really. And avoidance of conflict too. And the ability to actually be pretty happy most of the time in that I don't feel the need to keep looking when I have something good.

Alas, my friend was not of that same mindframe. We weren't serious enough for me to say he was cheating or anything. But it was obvious that, although he was seeing me, he was continuing to seek out others' companionship. I finally decided that if that's what he wants, that's fine, but that I don't need to stick around while he looks for someone else.

I was going to call him. I mean, I think it's only fair to actually talk to the person. Also, email leaves too much for interpretation. You can't tell a person's demeanor. It's easy to read something the wrong way. That sort of thing. But this morning I logged in to facebook (for some reason I can't help checking in there every day...I don't even like it per se, but there's always so much activity that I'm compelled to look).

There was an update to his page so I opened it. It turns out that he'd been using the speed dating service there and flirting with people (not me), and I thought, well, if that's how it's going to be, I don't really feel the need to call him to talk with him. He's made his choice, and the sooner, and quicker, I do this the better.

Now before you go and think I was checking up on him, lemme 'splain. The fact that he was using the facebook speed dating service was posted prominently on his facebook page. I didn't have to look for it, it was staring me right in the face. As a side note, this is the kind of thing that happens to me all the time. I think guys think women check up on them. The fact of the matter is, guys have no idea how poorly they cover their tracks. They leave clues all over the damned place, the poor schmucks and then they blame us for 'figuring it out.'

So I did write an email. Luckily I'm very skilled at analytical and technical writing. Creative writing is not my forte. So I composed a very logical, level headed email explaining where I stood, and before I had time to talk myself out of it, I sent it.

There was a pang of regret that I felt almost immediately. That was because I'm not so sure what I'll be getting back from him. Nothing would be perfect. Nothing would be ideal. But sending someone an email gives them ample time to reflect and respond, and I'm afraid I may hear things from him that I really don't want to. At least when you're talking with someone it's usually settled then and there. Now I've got this email out there, dangling...and I have to wait for that other shoe to drop, and maybe it never will.

That was really the only regret that I felt. I'm afraid he might write me back and that it will make me feel bad. I really don't feel bad right now. But maybe if I've hurt him, he'll hurt me back. Hard to say. I don't think I've hurt him...he obviously can't care that much about me or he wouldn't be looking.

I actually feel kind of good, really. Like I'm sparing myself some future pain. Who wants to hear that it's been nice to spend time with you but I've found the person I was really looking for? I don't want to hear that.

Frankly, I don't know what the guy's problem is. I can't imagine he'll be able to find another woman with the (often undeserved) tolerance I've shown him.

Good news all around!

I figured I'd better provide an update here, you never know if my reader is waiting to hear from me or not.

Pretty much good news all around. The gods (or maybe just God) smiled upon me this week, and I found a tenant for my rental unit. I'm thrilled and relieved. Honestly, I couldn't have planned this better. It turns out that my neighbor's mother needed a place by December 1, so when I was telling him about my tenant bailing, he told me about this. We were both amazed at the timing. I mean, what are the odds? That was the bit of good news I didn't want to jinx myself over, so now that it's a done deal (I have a signed lease and everything!) I feel I can breathe easy and talk about it.

And, although I'd said I wasn't going to share the number of pounds I've lost, I reached a milestone I feel I have to share.

I've now lost a total of 75 pounds!

I can't believe it. When I look at that number it doesn't seem real. But it is.

I am not concentrating on how far I have to go (frankly, I have a way to go before I make it out of the 'obese' category and to hit a healthy BMI), because if I do I get discouraged. I'm just focusing on following the WW plan. I've had a couple stumbling blocks, and I had a gain a couple weeks back that I wasn't thrilled about. But I know that if I persevere, if I do what I know is right, I'll continue to lose. And I just don't care how long it takes me.

Know what's scary? Realizing just how much 75 pounds weighs and knowing that I was lugging that around. I'm trying not dwell on where I was because it makes me ashamed. But I'll never deny it. I have a problem and I spent some time on the dark side, but I fought my way back out.

I can't believe I did it. I know now that it's possible. Just some hard work and dedication. But all things considered, I do not feel in any way deprived and I don't feel that I've had to change anything so drastically.

Essentially what I've done is stop eating stupid things. It's not rocket science to figure out what's stupid food, so I just don't eat it anymore.

I've been doing this program for 8+ months. In a few short months it will be a year, and I already feel like a different person. And I don't care if it takes me another year, or two or more, to reach my 'goal' (that I haven't set yet). Because all that will mean is that I'm further incorporating these changes into my lifestyle. The time is going to pass either way, I may as well be healthy during the trip.

I don't know what changed me to make me stick with this, to make this program work. It's a combination of many things, I think. First of all, I never miss a meeting. I need that accountability. Secondly, my leader is a wonderful, fantastic, inspiring person. I give her enormous credit for keeping me motivated. I have friends who are on this journey with me, and their support means so much. And it's a good program, plain and simple. It works. There aren't many things that I say you get what you paid for. But Weight Watchers monthly pass/e-tools? Worth. every. dime.

So, there you have it. Maybe some day I'll be brave enough to post progress pics.

Not here, necessarily. Sorry if you thought that's what I meant.

:)

Da latest nooz

Hey Amigos!

Sorry for the silence. I've been preoccupied with so much I just haven't had the urge to blog.

I'm still dealing with loss of tenant stuff, but things are looking better. I'm not going to jinx it by saying anything, but will report here when all is said and done.

I'm so incredibly happy that the election is over and that Obama is our next president. More than happy, I'm thrilled, elated. Joyous even. What a day for our country, for the world. It's my sister's birthday today too, so this must be the best present she's ever gotten.

I bit the bullet and went out canvassing yesterday. This is a huge deal for me. I am not a door to door type person, for many reasons. First, I can't imagine anyone whose door I knock on would be any more excited to see me than I would be if they knocked on my door. Not a fan of complete strangers rousing me from whatever it is I may be doing. Second, I don't like talking to strangers. At all. I hate it.

So canvassing is WAY out of my comfort zone. Actually, it's directly opposite from anything I could ever say I want to do. But, I did it. It actually wasn't that bad. Most people weren't home, and the few who were didn't react to me one way or the other, really. Know what the weird thing is? I found it easier to approach people who were on the street (it was a beautiful day and people were out raking, so I chatted them up). I just hate ringing people's doorbells and interrupting their at-home time.

I guess I just wanted to be able to say that at the end of the day I really did something for the campaign that day. It felt good. And I can say it took a bit of bravery on my part! Stepping out of one's comfort zone is like that.

So, the Beastie Boys on Sunday were FANTASTIC. Our seats were great, close and completely unobstructed, I could see all the action. I love those guys. My ears have finally stopped ringing. Now I'm going to see Jeffrey Osbourne on Thursday (tomorrow). I'm sure it might seem odd to some that I'd be into both shows, but I am, and not just me but my friend T who went to see the BBs with me. I actually saw Jeffrey Osbourne years ago, over 20 years, I'd say. Whitney Houston opened for him, like minutes before she hit it big. No one knew who she was, but she blew everyone away. I was never a fan of hers, but she did put on a terrific show.

Interesting week so far, all things considered.

The latest

I came home yesterday to find a note stuck in my door from my tenant. It read "I've moved." It said other stuff too...maybe I'll just put it in its entirety in here at some point. I can't even get into it, it enrages me so.

I'm not exactly sorry to see him go. He was, in a word, a dick. Being a dick, none of this is particularly out of character, I suppose.

Here's what he did wrong.

1. He didn't give me a month's notice.
2. He didn't pay his last month's rent.
3. He instructed me to 'keep the damn deposit.'
4. He left behind...a couple lawnmowers, a couple snow blowers, rakes and shovels, hedge trimmers, fishing poles, a compost heap, several large bags of top soil, a couple quarter barrel buckets, his television and stand, coffee table, kitchen table and chairs, pots and pans, two dressers...

Of course, according to him there is 'not much cleaning left, manageable furniture items only.' Oh, and that I could make 'good use' of the equipment that's left.

But, that's not how I see it. What I have is a crapload of furniture I now have to get rid of, and a garage full of stuff I don't need.

So now I need to get rid of all of this and try and get the apartment ready for a new tenant, without the rent that is duly mine. And, I don't know if you realize this, my amigos, but it doesn't get much more difficult to rent a place than the months of November, December and January.

See, when I bought this place it was in no small part because of the rental unit. This is part of my income. I always kept my savings padded in case I ever had to go without that income, so I'm not in dire straights. But he surely didn't leave me in a good place either. It was just plain rotten.

I always thought he was strange. I'm actually glad he's not my tenant anymore. But I never envisioned him simply abandoning the place. I was always open and approachable. He never once indicated he was unhappy.

Honestly, I believe he's just full of rage. I think he thinks he's teaching me some sort of lesson, the way that people who are passive aggressive think their little actions serve some greater design, when all they're really doing is making themselves look like an asshole.

Anyway, that's what's up with me. Sucks, don't it.

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"Someone called me a redneck woman once, and you know what I said back? I said 'Thank you!'"

~ Sarah Palin


REDNECK
NOUN
Offensive Slang

1. Used as a disparaging term for a member of the white rural laboring class, especially in the southern United States.
2. A white person regarded as having a provincial, conservative, often bigoted attitude.

~ The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition

Election Gripes

First of all, someone stole my Obama sign from my front yard. Not just mine, either, but mine and several (though not all) Obama signs in the neighborhood. The few McCain signs were left as is.

I'd planned for this moment. I'd bought 4 signs, put one out on my yard, gave one to a neighbor and held on to the other two as back up.

See, back in 2004, some horse's ass at the YMCA peeled my John Kerry bumper sticker right off the back of my car. I'm positive where it happened, and you could even see where they'd picked at every corner until they found one they could get their grimy nails under.

Not much makes me angry, but stuff like this I find absolutely infuriating. I mean, it makes my blood absolutely boil, and for many reasons. First, it's just plain wrong. It's stealing, or vandalism, or both. Second, it's something that I would never do in my wildest dreams. I think George Bush is the spawn of Satan. I think Dick Cheney IS Satan. Don't get me started on Palin and McCain. But I'd never in a million years actually physically remove a bumper sticker or yard sign. You just don't do it. Thirdly, the people who do this are spineless weenies who don't have the guts to ever do any of these things in the light of day, or when I'm present, or both. At least the bunghole who yelled "Feingold SUCKS" at me while he was behind me at the drive through at Culver's stood the chance that I may retaliate (I didn't). Of course, I'm also quite sure he wouldn't have yelled such a thing if I hadn't been alone in my car, or if I'd been a man. Yeah, those tough guys yelling crap at women. Very impressive.

I have no problem when people disagree with me politically. But to take something of mine...what's the point? Am I not going to vote now? Or...do they think these things are irreplaceable? Are they trying to scare me?

My neighbor and I got together though, and our plan is that we take our signs down after dark. My neighbor is up before dawn, and he puts them out again. Take that, sign stealers!

I have 2 bumper stickers on my car. One that says "Obama '08" and one that says "Got hope? www.barackobama.com." I've gotten some dirty looks. I feel a certain amount of vulnerability, especially since this election is near a close and things have gotten a bit ugly. But it's important to me that I show my support, and I have every right to do so.

Now, I'm not prone to hyperbole, so keep that in mind when I tell you this story. None of it is exaggerated.

I make a habit of being a conscientious driver. I've been driving especially conscientiously since I put the bumper sticker on (and thankfully it's been there for months and months). It may sound silly, but I feel somehow that I'm representin'.

So yesterday I hit the road to get to my WW meeting. It's during the height of rush hour, and I have a particularly speedy, quiet way to get there. I actually end up driving through the neighborhood where I grew up. These are very quiet, narrow streets. The speed limit is 25, with good reason. There is a grade school nearby, and it always has been a kid-centric area. So I'm driving down the road, listening to the radio, probably going about 25, though it's actually hard to reach that speed because of the numerous stop signs. There is a red truck behind me. I stop at a 4 way intersection. I'm not a "roll through" stopper. I'm not a "slow down" person. When it says stop, I stop.

So, I stopped at this intersection. Just as I'm pulling forward, the red truck behind me floors it, runs the stop sign and passes me. Passes me. On a quiet street. At 5:00 in the afternoon. As I turned in disbelief I saw he was muttering something, God knows what, and that the back of his truck was covered in bumper stickers. He was actually moving so quickly that the only word I was able to pick up was "republican."

So he sped down the street, and proceeded to run another stop sign while turning left. I was slack-jawed, to be honest. And pissed of course. This is the neighborhood where I grew up. There are children everywhere. I mean, honestly, was it so disturbing to him to have an Obama supporter in front of him that he felt the need to act the way he did?

Of course, what usually happened in these situations happened. He was stopped at a red light and I pulled up right next to him (meaning, of course, that his little episode did nothing more than burn gas, because he didn't end up any further ahead than I). He was going straight, I was turning right, so I took the opportunity, as I was checking for ongoing traffic, to pull ahead, wait until he looked in my direction, smile and flip him off.

Yes, I flipped him off. This isn't a normal habit. This isn't something I do other than jokingly to family and friends. And it's something that I somewhat regret because, as I said, I'm representin'. But amigos, it was just something I had to do. It actually was quite funny, because I don't think the guy had any idea that I was the person he had dissed. See, when he looked at me, I smiled, and he smiled back. :) That's what made my middle finger gesture so rewarding. The look on his face was priceless. It looked like he was thinking "Why did that woman just flip me off?" A mixture of shock and puzzlement. Then I was able to turn right and proceed on my merry way.

Immature? Sure. Not representin'? Yeah, sorry to say. Rewarding? You betcha.

I did yard work!

Well Amigos, the weight loss is going quite well. I had a moderate gain a couple weeks back, but I didn't let it get me down. I got right back on that horse and proceeded to lose the amount I had gained and then some a week later.

I'm definitely feeling this one physically. Know one of the reasons I know that to be? I raked on Sunday. I hate raking. To me the worst part of home ownership is the fact that I have a yard. But I was sitting inside watching television, and it was a beautiful day. I'd already walked the dogs for almost an hour and had met some friends for coffee so my morning wasn't exactly dull. But all I could think about was getting out there and enjoying the day and raking all these dang leaves off my lawn.

Let me back up here a second. One thing I'd like to say, and I realize there isn't a darned thing I can do about it, but none of the leaves that are on my lawn come from any trees on my property. I have 2 trees on my property. The one in front is a maple tree, which remains green until, oh, Christmas, and then overnight turns yellow, and then, again overnight, drops its leaves. It stands there, mocking me, hanging on to every damn leaf, while every tree around it is bare. The other tree I have on my property is a very long, lean crab tree. This tree has not lost any of its leaves either, though without the mockery.

But what was covering my front yard? Every other kind of leaf imaginable. Not exclusively on my yard of course, they're on everyone's yard. But for a person who has the least amount of foliage on their lot, and undoubtedly the smallest house by a huge margin, I certainly do amass more than my fair share of leaves. I keep hoping, sadly, that some neighbor will take pity on me, realizing that I am, in fact, raking the leaves from THEIR trees, and come to my rescue. But alas, no.

But Sunday I didn't mind. I have a rake with an extra-wide span and I was able to clear the lawn in a relatively short time, and without getting sore or winded or anything. And when all was said and done and the leaves were raked into the street (and getting caught in a stiff breeze and blowing across the street to my neighbors' yards, much to my glee), I figured I'd better mow the lawn. See, with a longer lawn (and my lawn is always longer because my tenant is supposed to mow it and he doesn't) you tend to have lots of leaves that get stuck and it's quite hard to rake. So I went into the garage, dug out my lawnmower (my tenant has several, since it's what he does for a living, though you'd never know it), plugged it in (yes, I have an electric mower, and I couldn't be happier with it), and away I went. I have to say, the sense of accomplishment when all was said and done was most satisifying.

And the best thing of all is that I didn't mind doing this physically. Neither of these things are chores I care to do, but when you're not carrying around as much excess weight, they don't seem so bad.

Possibly the best thing of all is that I could do all this and not think twice about my knee. Honestly Amigos, I think often about how much better I feel. In the end I think my knee was just really, really bad. I shudder to think how much it would have hurt had I done these same chores last year.

I've had a couple other interesting changes. I find I have many, many more clothes than I ever realized. I had been dressing in old stand-bys. You know, the clothes you can wear that don't make it look or feel like you've gained weight. I have a navy blue sweater that I wore a lot, and convinced myself that because it was quite old and I'd worn it years ago, I hadn't put on that much weight. But I came to rely on things like that more and more, and didn't wear a lot of my clothes that were more iffy. But now, pretty much anything in my closet is fair game.

Pants, though, that's another story. Right now I have essentially 1 pair of pants that fit, and they're not going to be fitting me much longer unless I manage to shrink them significantly. The thing is, it's not like I've got money to throw around, so I may need to invest in some belts (unless belts cost more than pants...).

This is weird amigos, just plain weird.

I still fight that demon though. Yesterday I went way overboard on points. I logged everything as I should, but boy can I put it away at night. I ate an entire acorn squash (not difficult, it's one of my favorite things, has very few points, and is cheap and plentiful), a spinach salad, a bowl fo veggie chili, a few weight watchers 1 point snack bars (few = 4), and a big bowl of popcorn. This was spread out over the evening, and I was up pretty late, but still, jeez...a girl can't eat like that all the time! But I was having one of those days where no matter what I ate I just never felt satisfied, so I kept looking for the thing that would do the trick. I gave up eventually and went to bed.

But, today is a new day. Just because I overdid it last night does not mean it's going to happen tonight. Nor does it mean that I've lost hope. It just means I'm an overeater, and I'll be fighting that my entire life, so I'd better figure out how to cope. So far so good!

If I had a band...

Not that I'd ever have a band. I don't play a musical instrument. I do sing, but not in any type of way that would make me worthy of actually performing for people. But I do have a ton of names for potential bands. I was almost hesitant to write this post because suppose someone somewhere hears one of these names and likes it, starts to use it as their band name, and then they achieve fame and fortune without ever giving props to me about it? But then I figured, it would all be documented on this interweb business, and also, why would I begrudge someone a cool band name I happened to dream up? It's not like I'm going to use it.

No idea how this all started, but have you ever said something and thought that it would make a great band name? Or a great name for a bar? I had an idea for a bar. I was going to call it "The Space Bar." Like a space bar on a keyboard, but it could also be like outer space.

Anyway, one day years ago I ran into the woman who lived downstairs from me. Her name was Sashi and she used to dye her hair purple. So I asked my roommate at the time what she thought of Sashi's dye job, and it occurred to me that it was a GREAT name for a band. Sashi's Dye Job.

Well, some people at work had the same idea and we started to keep a running list of potential band names. Like someone would say something, and someone else would seize on it as being a good band name. Not all of these names originated that way, but a good chunk of them. Here are a few:

1. Beat the Hese. I worked with a guy whose last name was Heser, and I believe I was competing with him in a football pool? Anyway, voila. Band name.

2. Shift the Bubble. This had something to do with the NCAA basketball playoffs, which teams were 'on the bubble,' that kind of thing.

3. Baloney Pony. Origin unknown.

4. Long Yellow Pad. Because we keep the band names listed on a long yellow pad of paper.

5. Gone Postal. 'Nuff said.

6. Eight Grade Nun. There are a lot of Catholics here.

7. Squishy Bottom. A coworker commented that the bottom of her stapler was squishy.

8. Howard Sprague's Groovy Bachelor Pad. Reference to the Andy Griffith show.

9. Silent Rhythm. See #3.

10. Rebellious Cog. Referring to someone who refused to be a 'cog in a wheel of the machine.'

11. Whitehurst. Green Bay quarterback from 1977-1983.

12. Knife Wielding Savages. No clue.

13. Credit the Cat. Again, no idea.

14. Ramen Phase. Referencing the phase that all college students or young poor people go through when they eat lots and lots of Ramen noodles.

15. Chester Marcol. Former Packers place kicker. Yeah, we're Packer fans here.

16. Scotty Under the Sink. Refers to a conversation overheard by a friend of mine while on staying at a bed and breakfast. Some family strife that led to their youngest child hiding under the sink and not coming out.

17. Adam Slim. A descriptor of a certain type of slim resembling a guy named Adam.

18. Gas the Bird. One of mine. I'll explain in some other post.

19. Steak Boy. I called my friend Tim that because of his highly anticipated dinner at Coerper's 5 O'Clock Club, known for their steaks.

20. Spaetzle. German dumplings/noodles.

Well, those are the best of them. I've had this list for years and years and years. Always makes me laugh.

But please, if you happen to hear a song by Sashi's Dye Job on the radio, please tell me. I've got some suing to do.

Challenges

I've had a few over the last few days. The weekend is usually a challenge in and of itself, what with having a lack of routine and all. Friday and Saturday were OK. Sunday wasn't bad, but it was indeed a major challenge.

Sunday started with a fundraiser, a pancake breakfast (barkfest, as we call it) to benefit the adoption center. I didn't partake of the actual breakfast since I was working the event, but I could have. And I wanted to. Syrup and I are old, dear friends.

But I didn't. I had a cup of coffee, a banana and a WW 2 point bar.

The event was over by noon and I was famished, as was my friend who volunteered with me. We wanted to grab lunch, so after tossing around a few ideas, we went to Qdoba. I had a naked bean burrito (w/o cheese or sour cream, but w/a dollop of guacamole), which in the vast scheme of things isn't all that bad points-wise.

So I figured I was doing fine. But then my sister called me later. There's a deal among 25 participating restaurants in town where you get a 3 course meal for $25 throughout the month of October. Well, it was such a good deal and we both really wanted to go to Il Mito, so we did. I had a salad with field greens, artichoke hearts, fresh mushrooms and parmesan cheese in a lemony dressing. They also bring out fresh bread and fresh olive oil with that one really good cheese...it'll come to me...and I had some of that. Not too much, but some.

My entree was a roasted vegetable pizza, of which I ate half, and for dessert I had some cappuccino gelato (which was as good as it sounds).

So, while I was relatively happy with my choices, and most definitely happy with the food, anyone on WW would realize that going out to eat twice in one day is a bit extravagant on the old points (I dipped heavily into my weekly allotment of extras).

Yesterday went quite well, but now today we're having a bake sale at work as a fundraiser. I made dream bars for the event (butter, flour, salt, eggs, coconut, walnuts and brown sugar, in varying amounts--it ends up being a sweet salty melt in your mouth taste explosion). I only ate 1 sorry one (and I cut them very small) that didn't look suitable for the event. During the bake sale I bought a ridiculously tasty (though reasonably sized) brownie.

But, I haven't gone back and have no intention of buying anything else there and am just counting down the minutes until all the goodies are gone. They've even done the usual "end of bake sale half off until it's gone" email posting. I STILL haven't gone back in there, and I won't, dammit.

So, those were my challenges this week. Personally I think I met them head on and successfully defeated them. Whether the scale agrees with me or not is another thing, but you know what? Even if it doesn't, even if I gain, or stay the same this week, I won't be defeated because I came through knowing that I did the absolute best that I could and I didn't give in. And it wasn't like it's painful to do. It's the right thing to do. I am, as always, a bit resentful that I can't just eat whatever the hell I want.

But, I had some pretty awesome meals and I just feel good about the whole thing. So, when I face the scale on Thursday night I'm ready for whatever it shows me.

This 'n that

Hey Amigos,

I should really try and update this more often. Well, that's a bit ballsy of me, seeing as it makes the assumption that others are reading this often enough that they want to hear more from me. That could be true, but I shouldn't assume it.

I don't have an excuse for being silent, I just never got around to writing.

I posted a healthy loss last week, and posted the exact same amount as a gain last night. I'm not surprised. I wasn't exactly living a Bacchanalian existence this last week, but I certainly wasn't following any sort of real 'plan.' I had several things that caused this gain. Maybe if it had been one of these things it wouldn't have happened, but put them altogether and you've got a gain baby.

1. I didn't track my points (that is, I didn't log what I was eating and the points value of what I was eating).

2. Rather than cooking, I resorted to convenience foods. Not fast food or anything like that, but some premade sushi, a couple things from the Outpost deli, that sort of stuff.

3. Speaking of Outpost, I ate a few too many of their cookies. They're homemade all natural cookies, and I sometimes indulge myself because you can buy just one, but it's not something I should do regularly; and I obviously overdid it this week.

4. I didn't exercise enough.

5. I wasn't vigilant about drinking water.

So, you put all that stuff together, and what do you have? A gain.

On the interesting side, I gained the EXACT same amount I'd lost the previous week. So psychologically that is good because I can sort of convince myself that the past week didn't really happen. I'm exactly where I was a couple weeks ago and I can just pick up from here, which is exactly what I intend to do.

I'm not surprised I've lost a bit of steam. I've been going at this for 7 months now, and while I'm still quite satisfied with the program, I guess I felt tempted to push the envelope a bit. See what I could get away with.

Well, I learned a lot by doing so. My grip on my weight loss is tenuous and I need to be ever vigilant. I still see room for a little indulgence, but I need to maybe examine why I overdo the indulging thing every now and then. And I especially need to be more vigilant about getting out and moving around. I can almost guarantee that if I'd exercised better over the last week I wouldn't have gained, or at least not that amount.

And speaking of exercise, I just got back from my walk around campus. I'm going to try and do it again this afternoon. It's funny though, it's not that warm, but I still get awfully sweaty when I'm walking in the full sunlight (and there's not a cloud in the sky). I'd say my walk, which is about a mile, is about 1/3 in the shade and 2/3 in the sun. So I do come back to my desk a bit sweaty. But it feels so good to get my blood pumping. Something funny, I can tell that I didn't walk last week. It was just a teeny bit more difficult than normal. I'm sure my body reverted back to where it was. It's kind of done that all over the place, hasn't it.

Not much else is new amigos. I've got another busy weekend, but thankfully a friend is taking my 4 hour shift at the adoption center on Sunday. I took hers last week, a very last minute thing (the original sub didn't show), and was thrilled when she could do mine.

I steam cleaned my carpets over the weekend. I know that's not the most exciting thing, but it is one of those chores where you really feel a sense of accomplishment when you're through. I just rented a little Rug Doctor for a day and did the living room and kitchen (yes, my kitchen is carpeted; the owners installed brand new berber carpeting before I moved in; it's ridiculous but I haven't felt like changing it just yet). You should see the water when the canister fills up...nothing short of amazing, really. I also cleaned and polished my leather couch. The animals have done a number on it and it needed it BAD. I plan on bringing that into my regular cleaning rotation.

I'm sort of a changed person lately when it comes to cleaning. I'd say maybe in the last 6 months to a year I've just become a tidier person. I do my dishes more regularly, I vacuum more regularly, I tend to not leave stuff lying around. Except clothes. I haven't quite figured out the clothes sitch just yet.

I'm just really bad with figuring out what goes where. My bedroom has 2 closets; one is quite largish. It's not really a walk in, although you can walk into it, so maybe it is, it's just small. The other is an average closet. And i have a dresser and a bureau. But the thing is, I have no concept of what should go where. I've got bras over in one drawer, and undies and socks each have their own drawers. But everything else is a crap shoot. I have no idea how to best utilize the space; like what I should hang, where I should put sweaters, should I change things out with the seasons.

Yeah, I'm pretty lame that way. So a lot of the time I just have clothes around my bedroom. Folded and clean, mind you (that, like bras and undies, has a permanent space), just disorganized and not really put anywhere. I'm hopeless with arranging my clothes! And it's not like I'm not organized in the kitchen, because I am, relatively (you have to be with as little space as I have in my kitchen), but the clothes thing just has me stymied.

I'm tempted, though I never would, to hire an organizer. Don't sweat it amigos, I'm not going to do it, because in the end it seems foolish and should be something I can do on my own and I don't have money to spend on something like that. I am going to have to do some research, dig through some old Real Simple magazines, maybe watch an infomercial...

Whoah, jumped the track there didn't I...but I guess it's all tied in. Self improvement tends to have a ripple effect, don't you think?

Thoughts of a Big Loser on "The Biggest Loser"

As I'm sure many people of the fat persuasion have done, I've watched a couple episodes of this season's Biggest Loser. I watched probably two episodes over the entire course of the series. But this year, seeing as I've joined WW and all, and I'm in a 'try and watch as many success stories/cautionary tales about obesity as possible to help keep me on track' phase, I had a bit more of an interest.

I'm pretty sure any interest I had in it has been stepped on and flattened by the banality of the show. Bottom line, it's crap reality programming, plain and simple.

(Let me take a moment to apologize to anyone reading this who likes the show...I mean no offense; I watch my own fair share of less than stellar programming, America's Funniest Home Videos for one, so I'd never judge another person by what they're watching; if you like it, watch away)

I have a lot of problems with this show. I have more problems with it than I can fit in one blog entry (and expect anyone to actually read it). So I'll try and be brief about them.

1. They rarely, if ever, show people eating food. One episode had the contestants cooking, with the help of Rocco Dispiritoroony or whatever his name is. And that's great, because I don't know about you guys, but stuff like that happens to me every week. They had a 'challenge' that involved guessing calories of fattening foods, and the punishment for failing to come the closest was having to eat the food itself. Would they do that to an alcoholic? "Oh, sorry buddy, you'll have to finish off that fifth of scotch. But it'll sure help those shakes!"

Occasionally they show them eating something, I'm assuming they're having a meal together. But I have no idea how the food got there, what it is, how often or how much they're eating. Now, maybe the general public doesn't realize this, but there's one reason why I am as big as I am. I eat too much. My problem is, has always been, and unfortunately always will be, with food. Sure, exercising isn't my favorite thing to do, but for me, my lack of movement followed my addition of weight. I would not have a weight problem if not for food. So, why don't they talk about it? Why don't they try and discuss these people's relationships with food, how to deal with them, and how to live a life of positive, healthy eating? And it's not like anything is so incredibly entertaining that they had to make room by bumping off anything related to food.

2. Another thing I find absolutely ridiculous are these workouts they go through. Where do I begin here? Really. They are taking people who haven't exercised, who don't exercise, and forcing them to do ridiculous workouts so they lose weight. They need trainers to help with FOOD. The exercise? Trainers are great. Exercise is key to weight loss. I get it. But this completely fabricated, phony atmosphere, with trainers like boot camp sergeants, and who I keep expecting to look at the camera and wink, because it's SO obvious they're performing, is just so far out of the realm of reality that I have a really hard time watching.

3. Another thing that gets me is the attitude toward the actual losing of the weight. I know it's a game show (because it really is, isn't it...just a really long game show) where they award the person who loses the most weight. But isn't the person who loses the least weight the one who needs help? And yet, that's the one (or in this case, the pair) who get sent home. Sure, they have their biggest loser program to follow and they keep losing weight and they get their 15 minutes of fame. But what exactly are we rewarding here?

A really sad thing is that some of these people feel bad, are downright crestfallen, because their weight loss didn't meet their expectations. So, someone who lost 7 pounds in a week feels bad because they lost less than their competitors. 7 pounds. Where the hell am I exactly? They're crying. They berate themselves. They get angry.

I've gotten angry over not losing what I'd hoped. But i remind myself, a loss is a loss.

4. A whole other reason I don't care for it is that it's just not very good. Goodly parts of it are downright boring. The challenges are boring. The people are, frankly, boring. On the last episode a father/daughter pair had to choose between them who would go home. The conversation between the father and daughter was endless, and I think it was supposed to be suspenseful, but I just felt like telling them to shut the hell up and decide already.

So, I don't think I'll be watching much anymore. Or at all. Maybe if it's on and I'm flipping around I'll....

Oh for crying out loud, who am I kidding. I'll never watch it again.

Catching Up!

Hey Amigos,

Sorry for the silence. The planets have not been aligned in such a way that is conducive to blogging, at least in my world.

I'm still losing, so in case you're wondering, that's all going quite well.

I slogged through a bunch of laundry yesterday. Some of it was pretty ugly (amazing how it just sort of leaves your mind after you toss it down the chute, you know?). I'm hoping to thin out my collection (some due to my weight loss, some due to just having too many clothes) and wanted to be sure it was clean prior to wearing/donating.

I stayed up WAY too late last night. I watched a very interesting movie yesterday, I'd dvr'd it from Turner Classic Movies. It was called Saturday Night and Sunday Morning and it starred the fabulous Albert Finney. Gawd, how I love those young Brits (Albert Finney, Michael Caine, David McCallum, Malcolm MacDowell). I love 'em older too, but I don't know if you could ever find anyone as charming as a young Albert Finney. It was an excellent movie. I also watched The Woman in the Window, a movie directed by Fritz Lang with Edward G. Robinson. Nothing quite like those old movies, I say. I really liked this one. It had Dan Duryea in it too, and I got to wondering, has he been in any movies where he wasn't a complete slimeball? I can think of 4 movies he was in right off the top of my head, and he was a scoundrel in every last one.

I was very sad to hear about Paul Newman. He did live to a ripe old age, but still, to see a legend pass is just a sad thing. I almost went to see him on Broadway. He was the narrator in a revival of Our Town. The tickets would have been close to $200, and Paul Newman or not that's just too much to pay. I told my sister, maybe if he performed the entire play while sitting in my lap I'd pay $200.

I miss New York. I know I was just there in January, but amigos, I didn't really have a very good time. It wasn't the city's fault. I was in so much pain it was hard to enjoy it. I think in retrospect I should have cancelled the trip, but I didn't know that at the time. I thought I was doing OK, but I realize now that I was truly in a bad way. I ended up icing my knee every night for hours, and I just couldn't walk the city like I'm accustomed to doing. I'm so incredibly happy I got my knee taken care of, and now I can't wait to get back there. Unfortunately my friends don't have plans to leave the country so I don't have much of a reason to go. And I don't have all that much money these days, so travelling would probably be a mistake anyway.

But I do miss that city. I love that city. I love everything about it, even the scary parts. I love mostly that you can do stuff alone and not feel alone.

Sorry I don't have anything too exciting or funny to tell you about. I realize with such a long gap between posts that this one should be a corker, but it ain't.

I'll make it up to you.

.2 lousy %*#$ing pounds away...

I'd say it's been long enough since my last post, wouldn't you?

Things are going not too bad. I did post a loss this week at weigh in, although I missed a significant goal by only .2 lbs! It's my own damned fault though, so I won't complain. I know exactly what I did wrong, and that was go a little fast and loose from weigh in day until Sunday. Nothing horrible, but I wasn't counting my points and that spells disaster. So I reined things in starting Monday, but it obviously was too little and too late.

BUT, I'm already doing better this week. I weighed in last night, and came home and ate sensibly.

Oh, and I've stopped buying frozen novelties altogether. I just can't have them in the house. When they're in the house, all I want to do is eat them, and when they're not I don't even think about them, so that says they've overstayed their welcome in my world. To that I say 'no more.'

And, in a strange twist, I've gone back to the full-sized Orville Redenbacher 94% Fat Free Kettle Corn. That's not going to be a permanent change, but I figure it will make me miss my frozen novelties less. I have an unopened box of 100 calorie bags of OR94%FFKC just waiting to be opened when I'm through.

I've been getting out and walking on campus during my breaks, and that's nice. Every day I walk past the new law school site and I can see progress day by day. I walk past our art museum and through some lovely landscaped areas. It's a nice little haven right in the city and I love it. Honestly, I think the kids who go here are darned lucky. They're not isolated, they are right in the thick of it, and that's one of the things that makes us so unique. I've really been enjoying my walks.

I've got a heck of a weekend coming up, crammed full of things to do. Hopefully I'll be done on Saturday relatively early, because Sunday I've got my 4 hour shift at the adoption center and I'm already dreading it.

I say that every time. And every time it ends up being fine. But it just doesn't make me want to do it any more than it ever did. I think sometimes I just get so tired of the following scenario. Someone comes in, asks all sorts of ridiculous questions, takes up copious amounts of your time, and then leaves. They're not really interested in adopting, they're just killing time essentially, but we have to treat everyone like royalty (I'm not arguing with that...you just never know for sure who you're talking to, and they could turn out to be your biggest benefactor) and it can get tiring when you spend your whole day talking and not getting one application, or one donation.

But, we're not trying to win any contests, and I certainly don't relay my attitude to anyone I talk to. Actually, most people are quite nice. Not bright necessarily, but nice. But, it's tiring. It's 4 hours of my Sunday. It's time away from my dogs and cats when my time with them is precious as it is.

BUT, I won't stop doing it. Complain I will, but I am doing important work and I'd say every shift I spend there I learn something, and someone who visits there learns something. It's the right thing to do. So I will keep doing it.

Anyway, hopefully because I'm having a busy weekend I will stay on track better than last week. I need the structure of being busy for me to not focus on food.

Luckily I've been throwing together some very easy yet tasty recipes that have kept me going. I'm currently working on a crock pot of chili. It's merely 'ok' chili. Actually, when putting it together it just seemed weird. It's 2 cans of hot chili beans, a can of black beans, a jar of salsa, a can of FF refried beans, a packet of taco seasoning and some soy crumbles (instead of ground beef or turkey). I still don't get what the refried beans are doing in there. And where are the tomatoes? Sure, there's the salsa, but you can't even tell it's in there. And the beans sort of disintegrated. And the soy crumbles are sort of lost.

It doesn't suck or anything, but I probably won't be making that again. I've got a better recipe that uses less ingredients, is cheaper, and tastes much better.

I love making stuff in my crockpot. It's amazing the number of easy vegetarian recipes you can make. If you've got a crockpot gathering dust, get it out and dust it off sweeties, because I've got some of the easiest, best recipes ever that I'll be sure to share with you..

Not now, of course. I mean later.

OK, I've rambled plenty. Just wanted to update you on all things me.

Focus! FOCUS!

Hey Amigos,

Lots of catching up to do here!

I had a busy, fun weekend. Saturday was the Boxer Bash, an annual fundraiser for Green Acres Boxer Rescue of Wisconsin. I drove up to Green Bay and it rained non-stop, but in spite of that I made very good time (without endangering myself or others, even). Once I got there it was sort of a whirlwind. GABR buddies, if you're reading this, was this bash over and done with before you even realized it? It sure felt that way!!! We did fantastic, it was a great crowd in spite of the rain (bless those boxer lovers, they're a hardy bunch) and I had a ball. And, I'm not schmoozing just because I think they may be reading this, it absolutely did my heart good to see all of my GABR buds. A harder working, nicer more dedicated group of people you're not going to meet.

My eating was OK that day. I did buy some goodies at the bake sale (this is a legendary bake sale that pretty much kick's all other bake sales' asses) that I devoured between GB and home, and felt sort of guilty about it. And I wasn't very serious about counting points since my last meeting.

I think I've gotten into a habit of sort of treating my weigh in day as a freebie (since I don't have to weigh in for another week, that kind of thing) and this time it sort of segued into the weekend ending in a 4 veggie corn-dog fiesta that I had last night.

I've really reined myself in today. I'm doing a modified 'kickstart' thing that WW talks about, where if you feel you need a bit of a boost (and I do) or if you've reached a plateau (and I will) you restrict your points to 20 for a set amount of time (no more than 2 weeks, though I'd never be able to last 2 weeks on 20 pts a day). I figured that I'd do that starting today through Friday, just so I can focus. I feel like I've lost a bit of my focus lately. I haven't done anything out and out horrible, but I've been taking some liberties and I know, I just know, that it's the beginning of major trouble if I don't put a stop to it right now. And I'm notorious for abandoning all hope when I get sick. It's SO hard for me to eat right when I'm sick. When I'm feeling well, I love to eat right. When I'm feeling poorly, I just want to eat something that tastes really good, and I don't care what it is and the quicker I can get to it the better. And I'm just NOT going to let that happen this time, no sir.

So, today I'm prepared. I'm having my same breakfast (Quaker cinnamon spice oatmeal), same lunch (broccoli slaw and fruit) and I've made a HUGE vat of chili that comes out to 3 points per cup, so I could foreseeably have 2 cups of that a night (for the next week...I ain't joking when I say it made a ton) and keep to around 20 points. Now, my WW buddies who may be reading this, don't worry about me. I'm being very sane about it. I just know that I need to get back that mojo that I had in the very beginning. I need to stop taking the program for granted. I need to focus and get serious. AND, I know myself very well, and this is the best way for me to do it.

So again, WW has come up with an incredibly smart way to meet the needs of someone like me (or anyone who needs to lose weight, really). They know we can lose focus, they know we can get discouraged if we don't see success, and they've come up with this guideline, and I already feel like it's helping. I really do!!!

My cold is hanging on. I don't feel too crappy, but I sound terrible, and my nose is beet red what with all the blowing and stuff.

This weekend was my 25th high school reunion. I didn't go, but my friend T did (egged on by a former classmate and by the fact that it was a multi-year reunion, and her parents would be there celebrating their 50th, and her uncle would be there celebrating his 40th) and I made sure she told me everything. Not that there's much to tell, and not that I cared a whole lot, but that sort of opportunity doesn't offer itself every day, where you can essentially be a fly on the wall. Our class was the least represented (even compared to the 50 year one, where we and her parents figured a large number of alums would have died already), which doesn't surprise me because my class was notorious for their lack of school spirit. Maybe we were ushering in Generation X?

They had been touting a DVD that was for sale that featured highlights of our years at Pius set to a rockin' 80s soundtrack. I hadn't really intended on buying one, but similar to my interest in what my classmates might be up to, I was curious as to what it was all about. It turns out it's just a video of someone flipping pages through our senior yearbook set to 80s music. I've still got my yearbook, I can do that myself!

I tell you, that's a true friend who will attend a reunion she really doesn't want to go to, not ask you to join her, AND tell you all the details you missed out on.

So, another week is here. And I'm doing well on my program today, and for that I'm grateful.

"I feel like total #%@* Ferris"

Well, Amigos, in the midst of a horrific allergy season, I've caught a virus. How can I tell the difference? First of all, I have what is known in the...industry? field?...a 'productive' cough. This never happens as a result of my allergies. I do cough because of them, but allergy coughing is related to my asthma, and that's a spasm-y, wheezy, and dry non-productive cough. No, this coughing has been most productive. Also, I can't taste or smell anything, which always, without fail, happens around the middle of a cold. And I'm a snot factory, and not allergy snot. Nope, this is full on virus snot.

So, I have allergies and a nasty cold that I'm hoping doesn't get any worse because I'll just keep complaining then.

Aren't you happy you checked in?

I did attend the class yesterday and am now a voter registration deputy for the State of Wisconsin. I took an oath and everything. I went with my gentleman caller, and we actually had a really fun time. He took me to lunch and we discussed the fiasco that was Saturday night and all seems to be on the up and up. I feel better that I mentioned it and got it out there. And I think it was good for both of us. I'm not one to beleager something, especially if I feel the person is contrite, and he was. So, we're sort of moving slowly along. We did take an interesting step yesterday. He met several of my friends. The class was held on campus and we had time after lunch so I took him to my desk and showed him around where I work. I think he got the same feeling I get every day, the joy and fun of working in an academic setting. He even started talking about his desire to go back to school (honestly, it'll do that to you).

I have a pretty busy weekend. It's the annual Boxer Bash Saturday, which is always, always a good, fun and busy time. And I figure on Sunday I'll spend the whole day recuperating so that I can show up to work on Monday and not sound like I'm at death's door.

This and that

Hey Amigos,

First let me start off by saying that the post I did the other day, where I talked about my date that went all wrong, was not written strictly to be a bitch fest. Actually, I had a very practical reason for writing it. Usually when you see your friends (ones you talk to less frequently) they'll ask you how things are going. I've had several friends ask me "How are things with X?" since we started seeing each other. Well, I figured rather than having to explain the story numerous times (and admit it, if it happened to you I bet you'd want folks to know the details just for the amusement factor) I'd just blog about it, so that when friends asked I could just tell them to read it.

I have to say, it's worked quite well. Everyone who would want to know about the incident now knows, and I'm not hoarse from telling it over and over.

And, I'm certain that the man in question won't read the blog, so I'm not overly concerned about that. Besides, I was just relaying facts and how I felt about what happened. I don't think I went too overboard into bashing his character or anything.

Anyway, I felt the need to explain myself. And really, isn't that what a blog is all about?

Something strange has occurred, however. My friend unexpectedly emailed me yesterday. See, I figured since he didn't contact me over the weekend, that was sort of his way of saying we're finished. I was completely resigned to the fact that I wouldn't see him again, and it was OK. But then this email yesterday. He's actually taking the voter registration class with me. So, I figure we can do that and hopefully I'll have an opportunity to talk with him afterward.

I guess what I need to get out there is, if he wants to stay in touch with me, if he wants to continue seeing me, that's fine, but there are a few things I expect. As in, I don't want what happened this weekend to happen again. That seems reasonable, no?

On another note, my allergies are the worst that they've been I'd say in about 20 years. I'm absolutely miserable. Everything from my neck up itches. My eyes, back of my throat, inside of my ears, my scalp (???), my lips (yes, my lips itch). It's really, really bad. I woke up at about 3 this morning unable to breathe with a sore throat. I actually got up and gargled with salt water and took 3 advil hoping that it would alleviate my throat pain. The back of my throat is so irritated. My lips are chapped and my nose is in sorry, sorry shape. Currently I have one working nostril.

You'd think I'd be used to it. I've had fall allergies since I was a little kid. But, I'm sorry to say, I'm not used to it. It's like a cold that never gets better. I find myself praying for an early frost (sorry everyone...but it's the only thing that offers permanent relief). I went to see my allergiest last week, and he gave me some free stuff that has helped, but I think the allergens are winning.

Tomorrow I'm taking that class to be a voter registration deputy. I'm very excited about that. I just hope that it's something I can do appropriately. I mean, I don't want the election to come around and I screw things up and make national news because thousands of votes don't count because of something I did.

That is the sort of thing I worry about. I'd say my mantra most days is "Don't screw up...don't screw up...don't screw up..."

This weekend is the Boxer Bash. It is always a busy, very fun day. I think I'm actually heading up solo. That's about all on my agenda for the weekend, and I'm glad for that.

Signing off for now.

Hey! I forgot to tell you!

Forgot to mention this in my post below, but I had a very strange thing happen this morning. While getting dressed for work I had to find a pair of jeans. See, during the summer I almost always wear capri-style pants/jeans. When you're as hot as I am (and I mean temperature hot) you look for any opportunity to cool off, and capris are that way. ANYway, it's cooled down a lot so I was going through my jeans. Every single pair of jeans I have is 2 sizes too big. Every one of them.

I ended up finding the smallest pair of the too big ones (you know how that goes--they say the same size, but no 2 pair are alike!) which I'm wearing right now. They're still wearable. They're not falling down or anything. But they're too damned big.

So I was happy about that. Of course I'm not happy about the prospect of having to buy new jeans. So it was frustrating but cool at the same time.

Much better!

Hey Amigos,

I feel infinitely better today. Writing yesterday's blog was cathartic; it feels so good to get all that stuff off my chest. I also got a very good night's sleep; yesterday I was tired and cranky, but today is a whole other story.

On the downside, I had me a binge yesterday. On the upside (if binges can have upsides) I have still managed to stay away from my pre-WW binging habits (deli, donuts, culvers, etc.). I just ate too much of the things I already had in the house.

Let's see, what else is new. On Thursday I'll be taking a class sponsored by the Wisconsin Government Accountability Board so I can be a voter registration deputy. :) A deputy!

I wanted to do my part to ensure that everyone who wants to vote and is eligible, can vote. I know that during the Kerry election representatives of a certain opposing party who shall remain nameless were present in certain wards and did all they could within (and sometimes outside of) the law to prevent people from voting or registering to vote.

I'm trying to become more involved in this election. I sincerely fear for our country if Obama is not elected, and I'm going to do all I can to make sure it happens. Sorry if there are any McCain fans reading this, but I will not be swayed. We need Obama and Biden as our country's leaders, end of story.

Keep me in mind Amigos, because while my binging yesterday wasn't terrible, I did feel some of the old habits bubbling up to the top. It's a fine line I walk friends, and I'm trying very hard to remain on the right side, but honestly, it's not a far stretch for me to fall into my old habits. That's the insidiousness of a weight problem. If I succumb to a trigger, I could be lost forever.

But, I feel strong right now, so I'm going with that.

Peace out everyone.

File Under: "You Sure Know How to Pick 'Em"

You may have noticed, Amigos, that I haven't mentioned my gentleman caller in a while. Things have been smooth. Being a somewhat private person (well...among my friends I'm very happy to dish, but I'm just not quite ready to get all crazy out here in blogdom yet) I kept it to myself. We have lot of fun, and he is odd and quirky and somehow just right up my alley. I like him.

However, he did some strange things over the last 2 1/2 months. Nothing terrible, But a string of things that slowly compose a picture. Take this for instance. I was at his apartment. It is very sparsely furnished. One comfortable chair and a couple of ottomans, and that's about it. I don't mind that at all. I actually like it. So we were watching television (the RNC, which is a whole story in and of itself), and I was in the comfy chair. I'm the guest, it seems appropriate. I asked him a few times if he wanted to switch, because that's the kind of person I am. He said he was fine.

I get up to use the bathroom. I come back, and HE'S in the chair. And he wasn't doing it to be funny, I think he just really wanted to sit there. So...I sat on the floor. No big deal, I know. But when you add that to the time that he and I went for a walk and not only did he not even once offer to help carry the things i'd gotten at Outpost (and this was a LONG walk, and I had bought 5 bottles of salad dressing because they were on sale) at one point he was a good 7 feet in front of me. Again, not major things by themselves, but they come together to paint a certain type of picture. And there were many more things, Amigos. All minor. But as I told my friend Alabaster Mom, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And drop it did.

He was free Saturday around 7:00 pm. I agreed to bring a pizza over to his place. Easy peasy, right? He lives in a Milwaukee suburb about 10 miles from my house. It's a 20 minute-ish drive. So I order a pizza. While getting ready to leave, I realize I'd left all of my makeup at work (don't ask). I'm not huge into makeup but I like to wear a little, so I had to make a quick stop at Walgreen's and pick up the bare essentials, which I proceeded to apply in the parking lot. I was also wearing a new top that I had bought that day at Kohl's. Not too fancy, but fancy-ish. In my world, I was dressed up.

I pick up the pizza at 7:00 and drive to his house. As I'm getting off the expressway (about 4 minutes from his place) my phone rings. It's him.

"Where are you?"
"I'm just getting onto Howard Ave., I'll be there in a minute."
"Oh."
"Are you at home?"
"Yes."
"Everything OK?"
"Yeah, I was just curious."

I figured he was calling because I was a tad on the late side.

So, I get to his place. We sit down to eat some pizza (me on the ottoman, him in the comfy chair). I asked what he'd done during the day. He'd helped a friend clean out his car, and his friend took him to lunch. That's when I noticed he wasn't really eating his pizza, which I mentioned. "Yeah, I had a really big lunch."

OK...

He then said that a friend was going to call him about going to a church festival nearby. I figure maybe we'd go there later. So his phone rings, it's his friend, he gets some details and hangs up. Takes his plate of pizza into the kitchen, returns his pieces to the box and says:

"I'm going to go over to the festival. Did you want to go?"
"That could be fun. Do you think I'd enjoy it?"
"I don't know. It's just going to be me and a bunch of guys."
"Well, if you don't think I'll have fun I won't go, it's alright."

Then he proceeded to tell me about how one of these guys is a woman basher who won't hesitate to insult me to my face (when I asked him why he was friends with him he insisted this wasn't his friend, but a friend of a friend), and I'd probably be miserable. So I reiterated, "If I won't enjoy it, it's fine, I won't go."

Mind you, I wasn't angry or confrontational, I was my usual mellow self. Anyone who knows me knows that I have the patience of Job and am very, VERY slow to anger. To a fault, probably. But it's just my nature.

That was when he put his shoes on. To leave. He wasn't just going to the festival. He was going to the festival NOW.

So I packed up my stuff and we walked out. I was at his place probably for about as long as it's taken me to write this far.

I was disappointed. I wasn't happy. But I wasn't really mad, at least outwardly. Some of that is pride. I don't like people to know when they've hurt me. But some of it is just my own good nature.

He couldn't figure that out. "You're OK with this?"

I responded "I don't begrudge someone time with their friends. If this is something you want to do, then go and do it." He told me how laid back of me that was. Whatever.

I explained that I'm not the kind of person who is going to say "You can't be with your friends."

Now, that doesn't mean that I don't think what he did was pretty rotten, because I do. But I don't think it's worth the trouble of me getting all bent out of shape about it, at least in my dealings with him. So we parted ways. He was getting very lovey dovey and sweet with me and thanking me, etc. He decided he'd only be there for about an hour and then he'd call me.

Again, he commented on my demeanor, and I told him "It takes a lot to get me angry. Just keep trying, you'll get me mad some day." I told him what really makes me mad is being blown off. And it does. And I also said I don't like people taking advantage of my good nature. He told me how much he hates that too, and how he'd never do that and blah blah blah.

So, I went home. I walked in the door at 8:10. I'd been with him a total of a half hour. I was upset, I was disappointed, and I felt foolish. I'd prepared for this. I'd bought a new blouse, I'd bought makeup I needed, I'd picked up a pizza, I'd made the drive to his place, and he kicked me out in order to go to a lousy church festival.

In the end, I was probably more sad than mad. The anger did arise, of course, but again, it was overshadowed by disappointment and, in a way, shame. Like I'd made a fool of myself in preparing for what turned out to be nothing.

But, I went home and changed into something more comfortable. I watched some television. I did a crossword puzzle. I called a friend. By the time 10:45 rolled around I realized he wasn't going to call. Or maybe he was, but it could only be interpreted it as a booty call, and that wasn't going to happen.

So, I texted him saying "I guess you changed your mind?"

I went to bed.

Now I was angry. He'd done the very thing he said he doesn't do, and the very thing I told him 3 hours ago made me mad. He blew me off.

Then I cried. Being stood up (and hopefully my gentle readers haven't been there, but unfortunately this wasn't the first time for me) is so insulting, so humiliating.

I wasn't crying over the prospect of losing him because at this point having a relationship with him would be SO much more trouble than it's worth. I was crying over everything I'd done that day. I was crying over the excitement I felt at seeing him. I was crying over how casually he led me out of his apartment. I was crying because I was so unimportant to him that he couldn't tell his friends he'd already made plans for the evening. I think that may be the biggest reason of all. Going to a lousy church festival meant enough to him that he essentially asked me to leave. That's just...I know it shouldn't, but it makes me feel SO bad. I'm not worth spending time with. And he'd made plans with me first.

My friend and I were talking about if this is something we would do. I remember doing things like that in the past. But we're talking when I was in high school, maybe college. That was back when you didn't want to miss going out with your friends because they were going to have all the fun and you wanted to be a part of it, and you weren't mature enough to realize you may hurt someone in the process. It was never anything I ever did frequently because it wasn't a nice thing to do, and as I matured I just never did it at all. I may have to break plans, sure. Life happens. But I could never DREAM of doing what he did. The time to break plans with me was before I showed up at his house. At the very least, the minute my foot crossed that threshold it was a done deal.

At least in my world.

I can put up with a lot. Some people may see that as weakness, or an inability to stand up for myself. It's not. I just have a very high tolerance. And it's not bottled up either. I don't blow my stack at some later date. I'm just quick to forgive.

But I do break. And I do stand up for myself.

Once I reach a certain point, when my tolerance is stretched to its limit, when I've finally had enough (and the majority of people I know never push me that far; it's a very select few) it's a done deal. You've blown it, and it's irreparable.

I'm never mean about it, I never actively confront someone about it. It's just over. Take someone I work with (please). I had put up with a lot from her, dealt with her moods, tolerated her confrontational behavior. But one day she exhibited such behavior toward me, such unwarranted venom and vitriol, that I knew I couldn't relate to her on any type of personal level. We are on civil terms, we have an OK working relationship. But I cannot deal with her on any other level. She blew it. I saw some ugly behavior from her and that she can never redeem.

It's the same here. There were quirky things, but they were quirky, tolerable, no biggie.

What happened Saturday was downright thoughtless and unkind, and I can't allow myself to be open to that.

So, I did what one does in this situation. I've deleted all text messages and phone calls from him (I never committed his numbers to memory...they just downloaded into my cell phone) so that even if I wanted to call him, the only way I could figure out his number is if I go into my cell phone bill to my outgoing/incoming calls, and there's no reason I'd ever need to do that. I've deleted all emails. I've wiped him off my caller ID on my home phone.

I don't know if this was his way of dumping me? I mean, who listens to someone say how much they hate being blown off, agrees, and then proceeds to blow the other person off? I pretty much handed him "how to get rid of me" on a silver platter. But...would someone really do that? How low can you go?

Of course, he obviously can go pretty darned low. But who would actually take such a roundabout, rotten way to get rid of someone? Jeez, if he didn't want to see me it's as simple as telling me. End of story.

I have no idea what was going through his head. I have no idea if he thinks I'm still there for him. I just don't know anything about him, really. I thought I did, but I don't.

So, alas, no more gentleman caller.

But, in a very strange twist of fate, I got an email from a guy I saw casually a while back. We've known each other for a long time, and he's always been kind of sweet on me. And he has this uncanny knack for contacting me when I'm in the midst of guy trouble, without fail. And in a way that's kind of nice. It reminds me there are other fish in the sea. Not that he'd be one of them, because he's kind of a dick. But it's nice boost to my ego to know he's been thinking about me.

My gentleman caller, though...well. I think I can see clearly why he's single.

p.s. Should any of you feel like mentioning what a dick he was, and how rotten what he did was, please feel free. Even if you don't know me, feel free to tell me. And what I've written here is the unabashed truth about the situation. I haven't added or embellished or anything. No exaggeration. This is EXACTLY what went down on Saturday, sad as it is. So, yeah, if you feel like tearing him a new one, I say have at it!

Author's Note: A dear friend read this and mentioned that I was far too accomodating (true) and that I should have said more at the time (also very true). What I may not have conveyed above is that I was, frankly, stunned. The full effect of what went down didn't really sink in until I was home. So, in an ideal situation, I would have settled things there, but I guess I felt like someone had socked me in the gut, you know? I wouldn't have known where to begin.

More of the same

Hey Amigos,

My weigh in blew chunks yesterday. It could have been worse, of course, but it still blew. The scale didn't budge, exact same amount as my weigh in last week. I'm not disappointed or unhappy, and I'm OP today, so it's fine. It's such a weird thing though, to see NO activity whatsoever. But hey, I'll take it over a gain any day.

I've started and stopped this blog like 5 times already. Just can't seem to get my act together and I have too much knocking around in my head to make anything coherent. I guess I'm not quite sure what I feel like sharing today. Am I that boring?

I do have a little trepidation about having no loss this week. I did do some silly things, though nothing earth shattering. But I probably logged more exercise than I actually did and less food than I actually ate. You can get away with that here and there, but you can't make a habit out of it.

I've vowed to myself that I'll try harder this week. I have a milestone I'm trying to reach (I'm having deja vu...did I mention this last week?) and I really, really want to get there.

I went shopping yesterday, which completely tanked. First of all, what the hell is with shoes? There wasn't a single shoe at Boston Store or Macy's that I'd let anywhere near my size nines. And the clothes were just...nothing I'd ever put on.

I was all jazzed because there were final markdowns on stuff and I thought maybe, just maybe, I could snag a deal or two (I've been spectacularly lucky lately). But, it looks like both of those stores have been designated as the repository for whatever any of the other stores can't unload. Seriously. I was at Boston Store about a month ago and none of these clothes were there. I think this is their last stop before they die. Or maybe the staff is just trying to pull a fast one on us by unloading their own crappy stuff. Hard to say.

Clothes shopping has become somewhat more enjoyable. Not that things in women's plus sizes are incredibly fashionable, but to actually be able to take something off a rack and have it fit is something I haven't enjoyed in a long while. Things may have fit me, but when you can buy stuff you KNOW fits on online, it was a no brainer.

Well, I'm uninspired today so I'm signing off. Peace out.

Feels like a Monday

Hey Amigos,

What a weekend. Saturday I got up early and went a couple blocks down to catch the beginning of the Harley parade. We stayed for the whole thing. I can't explain why it's fun, it just is. We stood in the sun the whole time, but it wasn't too bad, and I'd put on some sunscreen (though not in all the right places). Then I kind of vegged for the rest of the day. I had grandiose plans of getting caught up around the house but that didn't happen.

That night my sister called me to tell me that Barack Obama was coming in to town and would be speaking at Labor Fest. So the next morning I got up, went out for breakfast, and went straight to the nearest campaign office and stood in line to get tickets. Again I was out standing in the sun. It was really warm, so my friend T held our spots while I stood in the shade until just about time to get the tickets. The line was SO long, it stretched down the entire length of an alley and beyond.

Then I had to spend 4 hours at the adoption center. It wasn't too bad, except for a guy who really annoyed me. When I told him not to pet the cats, he gave me the incredibly old and never funny or cute response "They were touching me." I didn't react. Then he said "They were touching ME, there's nothing I can do about that."

Huh? And...how old are you? First of all, the response is incredibly childish, and secondly, what the hell do you mean there's nothing you can do about that? Just stand back a couple inches. Problem solved.

Then he gave me the old "Those are the cats I want" like I'm just going to hand them over. I thought, but didn't say "And people in hell want ice water."

It's hard to maintain my sunny demeanor when I hear the "they're touching me" line 5,000 times, but I managed.

Yesterday I went to see Barack Obama. His speech was quite short, what with hurricane Gustav bearing down on Louisiana and its environs. But it was exhilirating nonetheless. A huge crowd, a very electric atmosphere. I love Obama. He had me at hello. :)

Nothing overly witty or insightful to share with you today. I managed to stay OP this weekend. As you lose weight they take points away from you, so I've been dipping into my weekly points more than I usually do, but that's to be expected. I was quite active, and really did manage to eat pretty well. At the Obama thing(gates opened at 2:00, and he didn't come on until 6) I had water, and a big soft pretzel smothered in mustard (one of my favorite things) and some red licorice. I'm kind of glad that my labor day ended up like this. I didn't have to contend with any barbecue, or fancy desserts or family strife, so I came out relatively unscathed.

Bully!