TG and Me

Hey Faithful Reader,

Sorry I've been so quiet. I just haven't had a whole lot to blog about I guess.

I made it through Thanksgiving relatively unscathed. I worked the program honestly and still managed to sneak in a 1/2 piece of pumpkin pie. I didn't lose my head over anything, I didn't really overeat, and I didn't indulge in stuff that I knew would be a lot of points.

The best thing about the last couple weeks has been that, in spite of my illness, I stayed on the program. Well, not so much when I was really out with the stomach virus. Then I just ate anything that appealed to me and that would stay down. Needless to say, fruits and veg are not what you crave when you have a stomach virus.

But unlike my past MO, when I started to feel better, I didn't continue to eat what I'd been eating when sick. I just went right back to the program with no issues. Totally new experience for me.

I'm thisclose to wearing pants whose size starts with a 1. This is a huge milestone for me. I also purchased a cute winter t-shirt (it's purple with a big snowflake on it) that is a 1X. It's wearable, though a bit small, but it was the only one they had, and I figure it'll fit nicely before the season is through. But what that means is, I'm only one size away from being out of plus-sized clothing. Another milestone!

I remember the day that I finally admitted I needed 'big girl' clothes, as I call them. I was shopping with a friend (not a big girl) and we decided it was time for me to go to Lane Bryant. This was a long time ago and nice plus-sized clothes weren't as easy to come by as they are now. I even remember some of the stuff I bought. Blech. Pretty low-quality crap, as I recall, and not particularly fashionable.

And once I entered that plus-sized world, I never looked back. Until now that is! I'm so looking forward to buying regular clothes, no longer just the biggest of everything.

I spent part of the weekend watching shows about obesity. I have cable and there are several health related channels and they show programs about all kinds of stuff like operations, weird medical phenomena, that sort of thing. I watch shows about obesity on a regular basis. I feel the need to, I feel compelled to. Some of these are not particularly uplifting. One they showed yesterday, which I'd seen before, profiled a man who weighed close to half a ton, I believe, and he died half-way through the show. I guess I watch them because I don't ever want to forget what I'm up against. I don't ever want to think I can take things easy. I need to remind myself every dang day that this is a life-long commitment.

I've saved one of these programs which I watch every now and then. It's called "I Eat 33,000 Calories a Day." They profile 4 people who are super morbidly obese. Only one of them is not housebound, though she's very close to being so. She's the one who reminds me of me. She's my age, and while she weighs more than I did, it's not so much more that I can look at her and say "I could never be that big." And that scares the living crap out of me. I'll watch this, and then I'll watch it again...reminding myself what I'm doing, remembering where I've been and where I'm going. I watch these programs out of more than just morbid fascination (which is why I watch programs like "The Man Whose Arms Exploded" and "200 Lb. Tumor").

These are my cautionary tales. These are to me what "Lost Weekend" might be to an alcoholic. I feel some need to surround myself with stories of these struggles, both good and bad. I do try to see more of the good than the bad though...I don't want to make myself depressed.

I honestly think it helps. I can't let myself become complacent, and this is just part of that effort.

Anyway, I can honestly say I survived Thanksgiving without any sabotage. I made sure to take a walk Thanksgiving day so I could eat more, and I dipped into my weekly points several times this week already. But this is what it's about. I need to learn to manage these situations. Nobody would have ever guessed that I was on a diet if they'd been with me on Thanksgiving. Well, I did go a little long on the Cool Whip, but everything else was in perfect moderation.

I won't know my success until weigh in on Thursday, and I'll report back, good, bad or otherwise. This is real-life, it can't all be good, and if this week's weigh in isn't what I expect, well, I'll get over it.