Sayonara Dude!

I'm pretty sure I just wrote a dear john letter.

Not that I've talked about it much, but I still see the feller I told you about a few months ago. You know the one. He chose to go to a church festival in spite of asking me over for dinner. He also told me my house smelled. Yeah, you remember now, right?

Against my better judgment I'd still see him. It's one of those things where I actually do have fun with him, like I'm enjoying myself just enough to make it worthwhile.

But here's the problem. I'm a one feller kind of gal. And not because I necessarily possess some great moral standard or anything. It has a lot to do with concentration, really. And avoidance of conflict too. And the ability to actually be pretty happy most of the time in that I don't feel the need to keep looking when I have something good.

Alas, my friend was not of that same mindframe. We weren't serious enough for me to say he was cheating or anything. But it was obvious that, although he was seeing me, he was continuing to seek out others' companionship. I finally decided that if that's what he wants, that's fine, but that I don't need to stick around while he looks for someone else.

I was going to call him. I mean, I think it's only fair to actually talk to the person. Also, email leaves too much for interpretation. You can't tell a person's demeanor. It's easy to read something the wrong way. That sort of thing. But this morning I logged in to facebook (for some reason I can't help checking in there every day...I don't even like it per se, but there's always so much activity that I'm compelled to look).

There was an update to his page so I opened it. It turns out that he'd been using the speed dating service there and flirting with people (not me), and I thought, well, if that's how it's going to be, I don't really feel the need to call him to talk with him. He's made his choice, and the sooner, and quicker, I do this the better.

Now before you go and think I was checking up on him, lemme 'splain. The fact that he was using the facebook speed dating service was posted prominently on his facebook page. I didn't have to look for it, it was staring me right in the face. As a side note, this is the kind of thing that happens to me all the time. I think guys think women check up on them. The fact of the matter is, guys have no idea how poorly they cover their tracks. They leave clues all over the damned place, the poor schmucks and then they blame us for 'figuring it out.'

So I did write an email. Luckily I'm very skilled at analytical and technical writing. Creative writing is not my forte. So I composed a very logical, level headed email explaining where I stood, and before I had time to talk myself out of it, I sent it.

There was a pang of regret that I felt almost immediately. That was because I'm not so sure what I'll be getting back from him. Nothing would be perfect. Nothing would be ideal. But sending someone an email gives them ample time to reflect and respond, and I'm afraid I may hear things from him that I really don't want to. At least when you're talking with someone it's usually settled then and there. Now I've got this email out there, dangling...and I have to wait for that other shoe to drop, and maybe it never will.

That was really the only regret that I felt. I'm afraid he might write me back and that it will make me feel bad. I really don't feel bad right now. But maybe if I've hurt him, he'll hurt me back. Hard to say. I don't think I've hurt him...he obviously can't care that much about me or he wouldn't be looking.

I actually feel kind of good, really. Like I'm sparing myself some future pain. Who wants to hear that it's been nice to spend time with you but I've found the person I was really looking for? I don't want to hear that.

Frankly, I don't know what the guy's problem is. I can't imagine he'll be able to find another woman with the (often undeserved) tolerance I've shown him.

Good news all around!

I figured I'd better provide an update here, you never know if my reader is waiting to hear from me or not.

Pretty much good news all around. The gods (or maybe just God) smiled upon me this week, and I found a tenant for my rental unit. I'm thrilled and relieved. Honestly, I couldn't have planned this better. It turns out that my neighbor's mother needed a place by December 1, so when I was telling him about my tenant bailing, he told me about this. We were both amazed at the timing. I mean, what are the odds? That was the bit of good news I didn't want to jinx myself over, so now that it's a done deal (I have a signed lease and everything!) I feel I can breathe easy and talk about it.

And, although I'd said I wasn't going to share the number of pounds I've lost, I reached a milestone I feel I have to share.

I've now lost a total of 75 pounds!

I can't believe it. When I look at that number it doesn't seem real. But it is.

I am not concentrating on how far I have to go (frankly, I have a way to go before I make it out of the 'obese' category and to hit a healthy BMI), because if I do I get discouraged. I'm just focusing on following the WW plan. I've had a couple stumbling blocks, and I had a gain a couple weeks back that I wasn't thrilled about. But I know that if I persevere, if I do what I know is right, I'll continue to lose. And I just don't care how long it takes me.

Know what's scary? Realizing just how much 75 pounds weighs and knowing that I was lugging that around. I'm trying not dwell on where I was because it makes me ashamed. But I'll never deny it. I have a problem and I spent some time on the dark side, but I fought my way back out.

I can't believe I did it. I know now that it's possible. Just some hard work and dedication. But all things considered, I do not feel in any way deprived and I don't feel that I've had to change anything so drastically.

Essentially what I've done is stop eating stupid things. It's not rocket science to figure out what's stupid food, so I just don't eat it anymore.

I've been doing this program for 8+ months. In a few short months it will be a year, and I already feel like a different person. And I don't care if it takes me another year, or two or more, to reach my 'goal' (that I haven't set yet). Because all that will mean is that I'm further incorporating these changes into my lifestyle. The time is going to pass either way, I may as well be healthy during the trip.

I don't know what changed me to make me stick with this, to make this program work. It's a combination of many things, I think. First of all, I never miss a meeting. I need that accountability. Secondly, my leader is a wonderful, fantastic, inspiring person. I give her enormous credit for keeping me motivated. I have friends who are on this journey with me, and their support means so much. And it's a good program, plain and simple. It works. There aren't many things that I say you get what you paid for. But Weight Watchers monthly pass/e-tools? Worth. every. dime.

So, there you have it. Maybe some day I'll be brave enough to post progress pics.

Not here, necessarily. Sorry if you thought that's what I meant.

:)

Da latest nooz

Hey Amigos!

Sorry for the silence. I've been preoccupied with so much I just haven't had the urge to blog.

I'm still dealing with loss of tenant stuff, but things are looking better. I'm not going to jinx it by saying anything, but will report here when all is said and done.

I'm so incredibly happy that the election is over and that Obama is our next president. More than happy, I'm thrilled, elated. Joyous even. What a day for our country, for the world. It's my sister's birthday today too, so this must be the best present she's ever gotten.

I bit the bullet and went out canvassing yesterday. This is a huge deal for me. I am not a door to door type person, for many reasons. First, I can't imagine anyone whose door I knock on would be any more excited to see me than I would be if they knocked on my door. Not a fan of complete strangers rousing me from whatever it is I may be doing. Second, I don't like talking to strangers. At all. I hate it.

So canvassing is WAY out of my comfort zone. Actually, it's directly opposite from anything I could ever say I want to do. But, I did it. It actually wasn't that bad. Most people weren't home, and the few who were didn't react to me one way or the other, really. Know what the weird thing is? I found it easier to approach people who were on the street (it was a beautiful day and people were out raking, so I chatted them up). I just hate ringing people's doorbells and interrupting their at-home time.

I guess I just wanted to be able to say that at the end of the day I really did something for the campaign that day. It felt good. And I can say it took a bit of bravery on my part! Stepping out of one's comfort zone is like that.

So, the Beastie Boys on Sunday were FANTASTIC. Our seats were great, close and completely unobstructed, I could see all the action. I love those guys. My ears have finally stopped ringing. Now I'm going to see Jeffrey Osbourne on Thursday (tomorrow). I'm sure it might seem odd to some that I'd be into both shows, but I am, and not just me but my friend T who went to see the BBs with me. I actually saw Jeffrey Osbourne years ago, over 20 years, I'd say. Whitney Houston opened for him, like minutes before she hit it big. No one knew who she was, but she blew everyone away. I was never a fan of hers, but she did put on a terrific show.

Interesting week so far, all things considered.

The latest

I came home yesterday to find a note stuck in my door from my tenant. It read "I've moved." It said other stuff too...maybe I'll just put it in its entirety in here at some point. I can't even get into it, it enrages me so.

I'm not exactly sorry to see him go. He was, in a word, a dick. Being a dick, none of this is particularly out of character, I suppose.

Here's what he did wrong.

1. He didn't give me a month's notice.
2. He didn't pay his last month's rent.
3. He instructed me to 'keep the damn deposit.'
4. He left behind...a couple lawnmowers, a couple snow blowers, rakes and shovels, hedge trimmers, fishing poles, a compost heap, several large bags of top soil, a couple quarter barrel buckets, his television and stand, coffee table, kitchen table and chairs, pots and pans, two dressers...

Of course, according to him there is 'not much cleaning left, manageable furniture items only.' Oh, and that I could make 'good use' of the equipment that's left.

But, that's not how I see it. What I have is a crapload of furniture I now have to get rid of, and a garage full of stuff I don't need.

So now I need to get rid of all of this and try and get the apartment ready for a new tenant, without the rent that is duly mine. And, I don't know if you realize this, my amigos, but it doesn't get much more difficult to rent a place than the months of November, December and January.

See, when I bought this place it was in no small part because of the rental unit. This is part of my income. I always kept my savings padded in case I ever had to go without that income, so I'm not in dire straights. But he surely didn't leave me in a good place either. It was just plain rotten.

I always thought he was strange. I'm actually glad he's not my tenant anymore. But I never envisioned him simply abandoning the place. I was always open and approachable. He never once indicated he was unhappy.

Honestly, I believe he's just full of rage. I think he thinks he's teaching me some sort of lesson, the way that people who are passive aggressive think their little actions serve some greater design, when all they're really doing is making themselves look like an asshole.

Anyway, that's what's up with me. Sucks, don't it.

No comment

"Someone called me a redneck woman once, and you know what I said back? I said 'Thank you!'"

~ Sarah Palin


REDNECK
NOUN
Offensive Slang

1. Used as a disparaging term for a member of the white rural laboring class, especially in the southern United States.
2. A white person regarded as having a provincial, conservative, often bigoted attitude.

~ The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition

Election Gripes

First of all, someone stole my Obama sign from my front yard. Not just mine, either, but mine and several (though not all) Obama signs in the neighborhood. The few McCain signs were left as is.

I'd planned for this moment. I'd bought 4 signs, put one out on my yard, gave one to a neighbor and held on to the other two as back up.

See, back in 2004, some horse's ass at the YMCA peeled my John Kerry bumper sticker right off the back of my car. I'm positive where it happened, and you could even see where they'd picked at every corner until they found one they could get their grimy nails under.

Not much makes me angry, but stuff like this I find absolutely infuriating. I mean, it makes my blood absolutely boil, and for many reasons. First, it's just plain wrong. It's stealing, or vandalism, or both. Second, it's something that I would never do in my wildest dreams. I think George Bush is the spawn of Satan. I think Dick Cheney IS Satan. Don't get me started on Palin and McCain. But I'd never in a million years actually physically remove a bumper sticker or yard sign. You just don't do it. Thirdly, the people who do this are spineless weenies who don't have the guts to ever do any of these things in the light of day, or when I'm present, or both. At least the bunghole who yelled "Feingold SUCKS" at me while he was behind me at the drive through at Culver's stood the chance that I may retaliate (I didn't). Of course, I'm also quite sure he wouldn't have yelled such a thing if I hadn't been alone in my car, or if I'd been a man. Yeah, those tough guys yelling crap at women. Very impressive.

I have no problem when people disagree with me politically. But to take something of mine...what's the point? Am I not going to vote now? Or...do they think these things are irreplaceable? Are they trying to scare me?

My neighbor and I got together though, and our plan is that we take our signs down after dark. My neighbor is up before dawn, and he puts them out again. Take that, sign stealers!

I have 2 bumper stickers on my car. One that says "Obama '08" and one that says "Got hope? www.barackobama.com." I've gotten some dirty looks. I feel a certain amount of vulnerability, especially since this election is near a close and things have gotten a bit ugly. But it's important to me that I show my support, and I have every right to do so.

Now, I'm not prone to hyperbole, so keep that in mind when I tell you this story. None of it is exaggerated.

I make a habit of being a conscientious driver. I've been driving especially conscientiously since I put the bumper sticker on (and thankfully it's been there for months and months). It may sound silly, but I feel somehow that I'm representin'.

So yesterday I hit the road to get to my WW meeting. It's during the height of rush hour, and I have a particularly speedy, quiet way to get there. I actually end up driving through the neighborhood where I grew up. These are very quiet, narrow streets. The speed limit is 25, with good reason. There is a grade school nearby, and it always has been a kid-centric area. So I'm driving down the road, listening to the radio, probably going about 25, though it's actually hard to reach that speed because of the numerous stop signs. There is a red truck behind me. I stop at a 4 way intersection. I'm not a "roll through" stopper. I'm not a "slow down" person. When it says stop, I stop.

So, I stopped at this intersection. Just as I'm pulling forward, the red truck behind me floors it, runs the stop sign and passes me. Passes me. On a quiet street. At 5:00 in the afternoon. As I turned in disbelief I saw he was muttering something, God knows what, and that the back of his truck was covered in bumper stickers. He was actually moving so quickly that the only word I was able to pick up was "republican."

So he sped down the street, and proceeded to run another stop sign while turning left. I was slack-jawed, to be honest. And pissed of course. This is the neighborhood where I grew up. There are children everywhere. I mean, honestly, was it so disturbing to him to have an Obama supporter in front of him that he felt the need to act the way he did?

Of course, what usually happened in these situations happened. He was stopped at a red light and I pulled up right next to him (meaning, of course, that his little episode did nothing more than burn gas, because he didn't end up any further ahead than I). He was going straight, I was turning right, so I took the opportunity, as I was checking for ongoing traffic, to pull ahead, wait until he looked in my direction, smile and flip him off.

Yes, I flipped him off. This isn't a normal habit. This isn't something I do other than jokingly to family and friends. And it's something that I somewhat regret because, as I said, I'm representin'. But amigos, it was just something I had to do. It actually was quite funny, because I don't think the guy had any idea that I was the person he had dissed. See, when he looked at me, I smiled, and he smiled back. :) That's what made my middle finger gesture so rewarding. The look on his face was priceless. It looked like he was thinking "Why did that woman just flip me off?" A mixture of shock and puzzlement. Then I was able to turn right and proceed on my merry way.

Immature? Sure. Not representin'? Yeah, sorry to say. Rewarding? You betcha.

I did yard work!

Well Amigos, the weight loss is going quite well. I had a moderate gain a couple weeks back, but I didn't let it get me down. I got right back on that horse and proceeded to lose the amount I had gained and then some a week later.

I'm definitely feeling this one physically. Know one of the reasons I know that to be? I raked on Sunday. I hate raking. To me the worst part of home ownership is the fact that I have a yard. But I was sitting inside watching television, and it was a beautiful day. I'd already walked the dogs for almost an hour and had met some friends for coffee so my morning wasn't exactly dull. But all I could think about was getting out there and enjoying the day and raking all these dang leaves off my lawn.

Let me back up here a second. One thing I'd like to say, and I realize there isn't a darned thing I can do about it, but none of the leaves that are on my lawn come from any trees on my property. I have 2 trees on my property. The one in front is a maple tree, which remains green until, oh, Christmas, and then overnight turns yellow, and then, again overnight, drops its leaves. It stands there, mocking me, hanging on to every damn leaf, while every tree around it is bare. The other tree I have on my property is a very long, lean crab tree. This tree has not lost any of its leaves either, though without the mockery.

But what was covering my front yard? Every other kind of leaf imaginable. Not exclusively on my yard of course, they're on everyone's yard. But for a person who has the least amount of foliage on their lot, and undoubtedly the smallest house by a huge margin, I certainly do amass more than my fair share of leaves. I keep hoping, sadly, that some neighbor will take pity on me, realizing that I am, in fact, raking the leaves from THEIR trees, and come to my rescue. But alas, no.

But Sunday I didn't mind. I have a rake with an extra-wide span and I was able to clear the lawn in a relatively short time, and without getting sore or winded or anything. And when all was said and done and the leaves were raked into the street (and getting caught in a stiff breeze and blowing across the street to my neighbors' yards, much to my glee), I figured I'd better mow the lawn. See, with a longer lawn (and my lawn is always longer because my tenant is supposed to mow it and he doesn't) you tend to have lots of leaves that get stuck and it's quite hard to rake. So I went into the garage, dug out my lawnmower (my tenant has several, since it's what he does for a living, though you'd never know it), plugged it in (yes, I have an electric mower, and I couldn't be happier with it), and away I went. I have to say, the sense of accomplishment when all was said and done was most satisifying.

And the best thing of all is that I didn't mind doing this physically. Neither of these things are chores I care to do, but when you're not carrying around as much excess weight, they don't seem so bad.

Possibly the best thing of all is that I could do all this and not think twice about my knee. Honestly Amigos, I think often about how much better I feel. In the end I think my knee was just really, really bad. I shudder to think how much it would have hurt had I done these same chores last year.

I've had a couple other interesting changes. I find I have many, many more clothes than I ever realized. I had been dressing in old stand-bys. You know, the clothes you can wear that don't make it look or feel like you've gained weight. I have a navy blue sweater that I wore a lot, and convinced myself that because it was quite old and I'd worn it years ago, I hadn't put on that much weight. But I came to rely on things like that more and more, and didn't wear a lot of my clothes that were more iffy. But now, pretty much anything in my closet is fair game.

Pants, though, that's another story. Right now I have essentially 1 pair of pants that fit, and they're not going to be fitting me much longer unless I manage to shrink them significantly. The thing is, it's not like I've got money to throw around, so I may need to invest in some belts (unless belts cost more than pants...).

This is weird amigos, just plain weird.

I still fight that demon though. Yesterday I went way overboard on points. I logged everything as I should, but boy can I put it away at night. I ate an entire acorn squash (not difficult, it's one of my favorite things, has very few points, and is cheap and plentiful), a spinach salad, a bowl fo veggie chili, a few weight watchers 1 point snack bars (few = 4), and a big bowl of popcorn. This was spread out over the evening, and I was up pretty late, but still, jeez...a girl can't eat like that all the time! But I was having one of those days where no matter what I ate I just never felt satisfied, so I kept looking for the thing that would do the trick. I gave up eventually and went to bed.

But, today is a new day. Just because I overdid it last night does not mean it's going to happen tonight. Nor does it mean that I've lost hope. It just means I'm an overeater, and I'll be fighting that my entire life, so I'd better figure out how to cope. So far so good!