Take that, Take 5!

No, it's not really Take 5's fault...I'm not being fair. It's the fault of the powers that be who decide what goes into the vending machines around here!

No, it's not really their fault either. The fault lays on these chubby shoulders.

I powered through my food today and finished everything I brought before 2:00. That makes for one long afternoon. I got so hungry I couldn't take it and went into the lounge where the vending machine is.

Alas, that wasn't my first mistake. You know what was my first mistake? Grabbing two dollars out of my wallet instead of one. I know darn good and well that most things in there are under a dollar. So...did I think I'd lose a dollar during the short walk to the break room? Or that I'd somehow have an occasion to spend a dollar in the few seconds it takes me to get to and from the vending machine?

We know the answer. I brought 2 dollars because I wanted 2 things. What, I didn't know. I so rarely use the vending machine here that I can never predict what they're going to have.

So I get in there and I see, thankfully, a small bag of regular old pretzels. Hanover pretzels, 3 points for the whole bag. I got them.

I should have turned away then. But it was too late. I saw it. I saw the Take 5.

I love Take 5. Take 5 starts with a pretzel. Then they add caramel, and peanut butter, and peanuts, and they cover it in chocolate. And they do it so well. All of the ingredients in perfect harmony with each other.

The first time I had a Take 5 was in New York City. They were new and reps were handing them out. I assume they were reps at least...

I'm not big on candy bars. I like certain ones, but could live without them. But seeing that Take 5 today, and knowing the taste explosion held within its red wrapper, I caved.

Having a Take 5 isn't going to derail me. It's not going to make me put back on 103 pounds. Actually, points wise, I could probably even afford it because I have barely touched my weekly points allowance.

I know it's not the end of the world.

But, it still makes me sad, because that's the sort of thinking that got me into the sorry situation I was a year and a half ago, and that I'd been struggling with for half of my life up to that point. I want it, so I eat it.

I hate knowing that lack of control is so close to the surface. It's damn scary.

I'd never say anyone who is addicted has it easy, but the whole eating thing has a different dimension that other addictions don't. A recovering alcoholic makes a commitment not to drink alcohol. A recovering drug addict makes a commitment not to use drugs. A recovering gambler makes a commitment not to gamble. A recovering food addict makes a commitment to choose the right food for every meal, every day, for the rest of their life. To abstain from unhealthy eating. Eating is a vital function, if we stop all together, we die. So every time I get hungry, every time I have a meal, every day, all day, I have to choose. And I can't just say no, I can't just not eat. I have to say yes to some things, and no to others. Each moment dealing with food is a choice.

It messes with you, I tell ya.

So, how many weight watchers points in a Take 5? Just guess.

5!!