I dismember that...

Hey Amigos,

Remember back when I used to post how much I lost every week? That was fun. Why haven't I posted anything recently? Because I've been screwing around with the same, oh, 8 pounds for, oh, 6 months now.

Not to worry, reader, I'm not throwing in the towel, no way, no how. Actually, I've stepped up my meeting attendance to 2 meetings per week. My usual Thursday night meeting with my leader who I swear is an angel sent straight from heaven (hello? Raising Arizona??), and I've added a Saturday morning meeting with another fanstastic leader. This woman is a star, I swear. The place is packed because of her, and she's just got it together. She says all the right things and really is just genuinely, wholeheartedly enthused. AND she's a 35 year member.

So, I have stepped up that effort. And I've started writing about what the heck is holding me back and what I stand to lose. I'm doing more journaling. And I'm paying very close attention to subtle changes that could spell big trouble.

I have had a couple scary things happen in the past month or so that put the fear of God in me. One thing was me removing what I planned to wear to work and replacing it with something more comfortable (aka: roomy). Not good. Also, I've been relying more on wearing tennis shoes. That may not seem related to my weight, but it is, in ways I can't explain. Both of these things are "Fat me" behaviors, and they cause me to stop and think about just what the heck it is I'm doing.

Just so much going on in my brain regarding weight loss and my whole life. But I do feel like it's sorting itself out. I'm not necessarily in complete control right now, but my awareness is running high. Make sense? It's almost like the pieces are slowly going back into place. Maybe the whole pattern changed, and the pieces got jumbled, and now I'm putting them back in their new places. Honestly, that's what it feels like! I need to change the way I look at the world.

Anyway, don't worry about me. Actually, how about this. I'm going to start posting losses soon, I'm sure of it. And I'm going to start my count over.

So when I post my next loss, we're starting at pound 1. I've already lost 100, that's over and done and floating somewhere in the atmosphere. What I need to lose now is an additional 80. Now don't go giving me any grief about how that's too much and whatnot. You all have no idea how much I weighed when I started. If I were a braver person, more self-assured, I'd tell you. But I just can't tell you. What I can tell you is that I really, truly and medically need to lose 80 pounds. I can do it.

OK, another random rambling post. I'm writing over my lunch hour and am a bit rushed for time. Here's to new beginnings.