My decision

I've decided to do nothing. I'm not going to write a letter (to be sent or not), I'm not going to respond, I'm not going to do anything. Nothing I do will make the situation better. Nothing I tell Jeff will make him understand. There's nothing I can do but let time pass, and then I'll start to feel better.

He's just not for me. I'm through, I'm finished, I'm done. If he has any sense in him he'll leave me alone. I'll help that along by blocking him from messenger. He could call me, but he doesn't have the guts to say anything to me. Writing has never been a problem, but actually engaging me in a conversation about something that matters would be very difficult for him.

I can say I've learned something. Not that I didn't know this before, but he's helped me see how NOT to live my life. That's something I've always thought when I see people behaving badly. At least through them I've learned how not to act. I try so hard to make people glad they know me. I try to make them happy and comfortable. There is something in me that would prevent me from EVER doing the things that he's done to me to anyone else. And I'm happy for that.

Painful though it can be, I do believe I'm living a better life than he. I do believe I'm happier and better adjusted. I do believe that there can be people who are good and caring, and maybe some day I'll meet someone who makes me forget Jeff completely, who makes me realize just how good and kind people can be.

Before I get too schmaltzy I'll stop. But that is my decision. I'm doing nothing at all. I'm going to get through the day, I'm going to go home, love up my dogs, watch a couple of the movies I got from Netflix, have a good dinner, read my paper.

And I'm going to thank the good Lord (is it passe to admit that I do thank Him? That I pray? I'm not a churchgoer, but I do believe in a higher power whom I call God. Or Lord. Or Jesus. Or Jebus) that I have the best friends a girl could ever have, a good job, a home of my own, a great little car, a family, my health, my pets, my volunteering, The Simpsons and Family Guy...that I can (and do) read, that the sun is out, that I have fantastic neighbors, a retirement plan, a neice and nephews...there's so much good in life.

There's so much good in MY life.

And that's all I'm going to say. May I be struck by lightning if I bring Jeff up here again.