Show me the numbers!

Isn't that what Jerry Lewis used to say when they'd reveal the current total for the MD telethon? Well, I've got a new number for you.

Down 45.4 as of last night! Feeling pretty good too. This feels like quite an accomplishment, moreso than usual. Hitting 45 seems more significant to me than any other number I've surpassed so far. And just think, I'm less than 5 pounds away from 50!

On the flip side (and I'm trying VERY hard not to dwell), I've got a longass haul in front of me.

Also, as I lose more weight, I'm becoming more uneasy about people knowing exactly how much I weighed when I started. I mean, I'm thinking they can take a pretty darned good guess.

To be sure, I carry my weight quite well. Even my doctor couldn't believe my weight when I stepped on the scale. I assure you, I weigh more than you think I do.

So the more I lose, and the more I tell people, the more they'll start thinking "Jeez, she must have been enormous" and that sort of makes me self-conscious. Actually, losing weight kind of makes me self-conscious to begin with. People start noticing and mentioning it, and that's a double edged sword. Happy for the encouragement, not happy for the attention. Ah, it's a strange thing, being heavy. You hate it, but it's a security blanket. As the layers come away you get more vulnerable.

So, as of yesterday I've been on the program 4 1/2 months. I'm losing on average 2.6 pounds a week. When I put it in those terms it seems pretty darned rapid! But it's still an acceptable range, and when you're as big as I am it sort of flies off in the beginning.

I can do this. I feel good about all of it. I don't feel deprived, I still treat myself occasionally. I'm moving more. Yeah, all in all things are good.