No longer surly

Hey Amigos,

I tried to post yesterday and just couldn't come up with anything that wasn't full of venom. I was just plain surly. But I am much better today.

I was at an event last week and someone from some liquor company gave me a caffeinated shot. They took a picture of me and another volunteer. She looks great. I've got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm not a huge fan of posting pictures of myself, so this is a big step for me. I look at that picture and wonder how big my face was 38 pounds ago. ::shudder::

WW is going well this week. I did go out to eat on Sunday, twice. But I think I recorded my points well. Breakfast was at IHOP. For anyone watching their weight who is thinking about going to IHOP, if you're not a fan of corn meal, don't go. Essentially the only thing to eat that isn't a heart attack on a plate is their corn cakes (FKA: country griddle cakes). It's 120 cals per cake, with...I forgot how much fat, but 3 of that type of pancake equals 8 points. That's more than I'd care to spend, and I'm not a huge fan of diet syrup, but they are really good and it's worth it.

In the evening my mom and sis and I went for sushi. I love sushi so much I may need to go here. It wasn't quite the feast I had last time I was there, but I did eat a bit. I believe I recorded it accurately (surprisingly, WW has a very detailed list of sushi in their e-tools, so I was able to find exactly what I had, right down to the seaweed salad, which flipping kicks ASS I might add).

Weekends are always a bit of a struggle. I don't get up at the same time as I do during the week, I eat breakfast later, I stay up later, I tend to snack more. I'm really trying to keep it together, for 2 reasons. First, if I lose 1.6 lbs this week I'll have a grand total of 40 pounds lost! And secondly, if I lose 1 pound, I'll have reached what I consider to be a significant milestone. That's a personal goal for me, so I won't share it with you amigos. But you'll know if I made it!

I have been moving more lately. Took the dogs for a couple nice walks this weekend. I love my dogs, but they're crap factories. I have to take probably 4 bags with me. The first crap is usually OK, but they get progressively less well formed as we walk along so that clean up becomes a real problem. I end up pulling up patches of grass in an effort to clean up everything. And Ravi, bless his heart, moves in a circle as he's pooping so it's not like there's a one large dog flop that I can scoop up. There's a scattered collection of small ones. Sometimes I actually think I make it worse by attempting to clean up the loose ends (pun intended) but my conscience won't let me leave it. So then I'm walking 2 dogs with various bags of stinky poop. It's lovely.

I think moving and exercising is going to be key to my success.

I watched an Oprah episode yesterday. I'd dvr'd it, it was all about people who'd lost tremendous amounts of weight without surgery or pills. It really was pretty amazing, but she just kept moving them along like cattle and I didn't hear too many in depth individual stories. I have to admit that it was damned inspiring. One woman lost over 500 pounds. A lot of these folks were 3 digit losers. So, it was pretty cool.

One of the most important things I've found has been to seek out inspiration, if I'm not inspiring myself. There's plenty of it out there.

The weight watchers message boards are awesome too. I check one regularly, and the people are so nice and understanding. And if I ever feel like I'm never going to reach my goal, I go in there and find someone who's in a similar situation and bask in their success. One day I'll be there too!

Oh, I fit in another pair of jeans that is a size smaller than what I've been accustomed to wearing. They're a pair of Eddie Bauer capri jeans, really comfy. That was so nice to be able to pull those on!!

I'm not ready for a new wardrobe, mentally, physically or financially. But I'm getting closer! I just wish I had more money to spend. I'm stretched to my limits as it is. This is my own damned fault (although it doesn't help that our economy is in the toilet, and that the cost of gas and everything else has gone through the roof). There are several things I know could live without. I'm just not ready to deprive myself of those things. Pretty selfish, I know. And they're not necessarily luxuries, but things that help me retain my sanity.

The good thing is, I'm not racking up debt and I don't owe anyone anything (except car and house). But it does make something like a new wardrobe just a bit out of reach for me. Some day, some day.

Well, weigh in is in 2 days. I made a storyboard about the goal I want to reach this week (to lose 1.6 pounds). Essentially you come up with a goal and then write the steps you must take to reach it. I'm doing pretty well. You know what is a problem for me? I tend to eat a lot when I get home. It's nothing bad, and I'm within my points, but it seems to be a bad behavior I brought with me. I mean, even if it is 94% fat free popcorn, and I can eat the whole bag for 4 points, does that really mean I should be popping it and eating it at 9:30 at night? It just smacks of a binge. And I tend to eat ice cream every day. Granted, it'ws weight watchers ice cream, but should I really be doing that??

In the end they're just not things I'm ready to give up yet. I honestly don't think I would have made it without the WW ice cream, or the popcorn. When those cravings hit me I think it's easier to cave and eat something not-too-bad than it would be to ignore it altogether. Maybe as I get my footing, as I become more acclimated to my weight loss, I'll have the strength to give that up. But right now, I just can't. It's keeping me sane!

I'll sign off here. I lucked out today and actually got to have a proper lunch! 2 of my students decided not to come in today and I can finally relax and do my job!

Until Thursday! And send me some loser vibes amigos!!!