Another weigh in day is here

Hola Amigos,

Today sort of sucks. I'm tired and I don't want to be here. One of my students is seriously chapping my ass and it's more work when they come in than when they don't. My guy troubles haven't gotten significantly better, and I've been letting that get me depressed. Once I start getting depressed the pity party begins and I spiral into a pit of self-loathing.

So, yeah, it's been great.

On the upside, I may be going swimming tonight at a local park. My friend T and I went on Sunday and we had a blast. I felt like I was about 10, except I was old enough to be in the deep end without someone yelling at me. And all the young'uns were way on the other side of the pool, which is fantastic because if I thought of all the peeing and spit and boogers and poop in a public pool I'd never stop throwing up, and when you're in a less populated area of the pool, as the deep end inevitably is, there's less dross to deal with. Of course there are the local thugs who insist on trying the patience of the lifeguards and who swear like sailors. Kids today, I tell ya. But I can adjust.

So, in a way, I really hope we go. T is good for my soul. She's a very level headed person, a yin to my yang. We make very good friends indeed.

I've got some plans for the weekend, none of them involving my gentleman caller, at least yet. Argh! I should have never, never, never signed up for match.com. I should have waited until I was in a better place mentally and I could handle all the shit that goes with liking someone. How I wish I could wind the clock back and take it all and toss it and not do it. I was better off.

So, yeah, today I'm about ready to drop. I stayed up too late feeling sorry for myself and I'm paying for it today.

Hopefully my crapass state of mind won't affect my weigh in tonight. I actually did quite well this week. I believe I've mentioned this, but I put the old kibosh on all things WW coming into my house. No snack bars, no frozen meals, no frozen goodies, or chips or any of that. I did break down and get a box of giant fudge bars, which I'm limiting to one per day (which is what I always should have done, but seriously, how much is a girl supposed to change all at once?).

I was spending far too much money and wasting far too many points on stuff like that, and I finally said 'knock it off.' So I knocked it off.

I made 2 new recipes this week. One of them was so bland I could barely choke it down. I could not figure out what to do to save it. It was tricolor rotini, with spinach, ricotta and parmesan cheese, and some garlic I believe. Sounds good, doesn't it? How I wish it was. It was just BO-RING. I ate it of course, I am not one to waste food. And I really did try to doctor it up, but the blandness would not be moved.

Then yesterday I made a sort of risotto. It was a total cheater's risotto, made with orzo and a can of low fat cream of mushroom soup. Some fresh parsley and an onion thrown in there. It's OK. It's not something I'd serve to guests. Actually, I'd never serve either of these to guests. Just not good enough. But cheap, and good enough for me.

I do miss the goodies some. And I'm hard pressed to find something to take their place. But I'm trying. I bought some cereal for when the mood strikes me that I just must have something else. Strangely enough, they're bran flakes. I like bran flakes. I used to be a HUGE wheaties fan, but somewhere along the way they changed the recipe and they stopped tasting so fabulous. So I tried bran flakes and they tasted so much like wheaties that I started eating those.

No matter what it is I'm eating, it always has the possibility of a binge. Well, not everything. I don't binge on fruits or veg. It's the carbs, processed foods, chips that get me amigos. And I've come to learn that I'm better off not bringing them in my home.

I'll give you the old update when I get back from my weigh in. I'm almost positive the scale will move downward. I never would say that for sure. It's just too unpredictable. But I pretty much did everything right this week, so I'm hoping for a loss, and a righteous one at that.