The journey begins

Hola Amigos,

So I attended my first Weight Watchers meeting (well, first in about 18 years) on Thursday night. I was so apprehensive and absolutely dreading it, and I almost lost my nerve. But I put a call out to some friends. My good buddy Alabaster Mom came to my rescue and reminded me that I can, indeed, do this. And my longtime pal Darwin told me how much I'd like it. Thanks too, to Sadie's mom for having faith in me. I need so much help!!!

And then there was the encouragement I got from my sister.

Me: I don't want to go to the meeting.
Her: You have to go to the meeting.
Me: Why do I have to go to the meeting?
Her: Because you HAVE to go to the meeting.

And I understood her. And I went.

So I get there a bit early, since I need to register and all. I was really apprehensive. I don't do well in situations such as this, going someplace where I don't know anyone...I really just had to force myself. So I parked my car, walked in, found the room and thankfully there was another member who walked in with me and he opened the door for me. No running away now. I registered and weighed in and started to relax. I wasn't surprised or shocked by what the scale said, since I'd been to the doctor so many times recently and I needed to know what my weight was before surgery so they could do the anesthesia correctly. So finding out what I weighed wasn't a huge deal. But all I could think of is how much damn weight I have to lose. It's a crapload amigos. We're talking in the upper 100s. So that was a bit tough to swallow.

I've been trying to get myself to remember that I need to look at the smaller picture, getting through every day, you know? Sure, there's a big goal out there and it's not like I'll ever forget that (no way I ever could). But I need to bring my focus in more specifically. I'll get lost if all I think about is the hundreds I need to lose. So they gave me a 10% goal. This I think I can handle. Hell, I could lose 10% of my weight in my sleep. Sad thing is, when you're as big as I am it's hard to tell!

Even though I started my meetings on Thursday, I didn't really officially start the plan whole heartedly until today. This is mostly because I didn't go grocery shopping. I hate grocery shopping. So I put it off until the 11th hour (or 8:00 last night). I spent $140 (that I really couldn't afford right now, but it's so important I knew I had to) in order to stock my larder appropriately. I bought spinach for salad, and cole slaw mix for a quick lunch or snack, apples, grapes, strawberries, bread, tuna (my flesh food weakness), english muffins, peanut butter, salad dressing, spaghetti sauce, cheerios, eggs, soy milk, coffee, fat free chocolate pudding, applesauce, soup, tortillas...and more, of course (I couldn't pass up some of the WW ice cream bars), fat free cheese, salsa, butter spray (what a great freaking invention! no more slathering my toast with smart balance! Just a couple quick sprays and I'm all set), mushroom burgers. My cart was brimming. I had 8 bags of groceries! Of course, I won't go through all that in a week, but I needed so much because my house was virtually devoid of good food. I'm sure subsequent visits won't be quite such an undertaking.

I did already overindulge in the treat department, and had 2 fudge bars instead of one. But Sundays are usually tough for me. I'm up later than I usually am during the week and just tend to be hungrier. I do much better during the week.

This weight watchers stuff is interesting. They seem to have really gotten their act together over the years. I think they were always a cut above the rest, but they're in a different stratosphere now.

The first diet I ever joined was the now defunct "Diet Workshop." I was in college at the time and it was cheaper than weight watchers. I'll never forget that plan. I wish I still had the booklet so I could prove to you how they had you start. The first week you were literally eating 750 calories a day. It had it written right there on the plan, plain as day. I remember being able to eat fake crab legs and lettuce, and that's about it. I don't even think cottage cheese was allowed until week 3. I was hungry all the time. No, not hungry. RAVENOUS. And I remember going to parties and not drinking. Do you realize what that's like? I was never so bored in my life.

From one week to the next I lost 10 pounds. They were all flabbergasted that they were giving me the 10 lb award only 1 week into the program. Of course at the time we all thought it was the greatest thing ever. If I only knew then what I know now.

My goal was something like 130 pounds. I'm 5'5" but I'm big boned (and I'm not just saying that...how many 5'5" people do you know have had size 9 1/2 feet since they were 12?). What ended up happening was that I plateaued at 155. I was there for months. An entire summer actually. And then I just stopped going. The weight stayed off for several years which is good. If I'd only known that 155 is pretty much where I should be, maybe I would have done things differently. Sure, it's on the upper range, but I have no doubt that's what my body was telling me. If I'd only listened.

I won't say that's my goal now. No, my goal this very minute is to lose 10% of my body weight. I'm not going to tell you how much that is because I know my readers are smart enough to multiply that number by 10 and find out how much I currently weigh, and I'm not ready to make that public. But I will let you know when I get there.

I could go on and on about all of this but I won't. I just want you to know that I went and I'm making the effort to work the plan. I'm doing the Flex Points plan which is working well so far (for the whole 1/2 day I've been doing it). It's a smart plan, and being as heavy as I am they don't skimp on the points they give you.

So, I'll go to my meeting on Thursday. I'll probably go twice a week. Darwin and his sister go to a Saturday morning meeting, I went with them this past Saturday and it was very fun. Shit, I need all the help I can get.

I'll get weighed on Thursday and will report what the scale says. Could this be the time that works?